Richard Gasana is an elder and a member of the pastoral team of Christian Life Assembly. He also offers pre-marriage counseling to couple before they walk down the aisle. Gasana was born on February 2nd, 1956 to the late Innocent Nyakamasa and Verena Kadamage of Nyarugege District, Kigali City. He grew up in Uganda since the family was forced into exile due to the 1959 insurgencies. “I worked in Uganda in many parts of Lugazi, Jinja and Kampala before I started counseling in 1990 as a Pastor of Deliverance Church Jinja,” Gasana narrates He said: “At Christian Life Assembly we don’t wed people who have not under gone Pre- marriage counseling sessions, being a cell-based Church we get to know the couple and the sessions go on for 5-8 weeks depending on the couple’s schedule. Pre- marriage counseling is of great importance since it prepares the couple. In the first session an evaluation questionnaire is given to the couple, each with their own copy and they have to answer them individually without the other‘s knowledge. Some of these questions tackle sensitive matters such as one‘s background for instance, the nature of family they come from since some people tend to have missed either the motherly or fatherly love and they expect to get to from their spouses later in life. However the spouse won’t be able to render such love hence the relationship is dismantled. When they are through with filling the answers, the copies are exchanged between the couple so that they get to know each other better. The second session comprises of communication skills how one reacts when they are bothered, during this session the couple get to talk about them selves like what one does when they are angry, the kind of disagreements they have had before and how they solved them. Communication is a very important aspect in a relationship especially marriage hence this session is given extra attention since we communicate from the heart. During this session the couple also talks about their sexual life openly and they are asked if they know the value of sexual intimacy. The couple has to adjust with the changes especially during pregnancy and after, since during this period the wife shifts all her love to the baby. It’s this time that the husband feels neglected because physical love change lead to unfaithful acts. But usually we advise the couple to be close to one another throughout the life changing moments. Session three is characterized by the couple’s values in and the purpose of living. It’s during this session that a couple can tell if they are compatible. A list of priorities is made and they at least in some way have to meet at a point. The fourth session revolves on the financial management of the family. During this session the couple gets to know how each spends and their feelings regarding giving while the fifth session is about the wedding budget.” Egid Mupenzi in a phone interview explains how the Pre- marriage counseling sessions with his wife conducted by Richard Gasana helped them over come the challenging situations in marriage life. “Mr. Gasana was a very good temperament and moderator throughout the counseling since during the sessions he was not the commanding type besides provoking a conversation without yielding challenge and anger depending on sensitive topics. Our marriage is built on a strong foundation since during the counseling each of us got to know one another including the weak points of a partner thus the ‘ice is broken’ most especially the aspirations, fears and life in general,” Mupenzi explained. When asked if what he teaches during the pre-marriage counseling session is what he practises in his marriage life since he has been married to Pelagie Gasana since 1986. He answers, “It’s the grace of God; constant reading of the scriptures and the mutual understanding of one another that has helped us to maintain the loving relationship with my wife. We didn’t get the kind of chance these couples have got of entirely knowing one another. Most Pastors emphasize a particular verse in the bible Ephesians 5:22 ‘Wives submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.’ And I wonder why they neglect the first verse Ephesians 5:21 ‘Submit to one another in fear of God’ yet it encourages the couple” “I believe that what my wife can do in home I can do regardless of the fact that I’m the head of the family. When I cook at home I don’t think it’s going to be written all over my face that I prepared food at home. Helping out your spouse with house chores is very healthy,” Gasana emphasizes Pelagie Gasana, reveals her husband‘s personality. “He is a jovial, sociable person though a little reserved with people he is not familiar with. It is love for one another that has kept this relationship glowing. We openly share different ideals, trust one another and highly value our family,” Pelagie explains In their 24-year marriage they have been blessed with five children, 4 girls and one boy who is the last born. Ends
