Neighbour Diaries: This can’t be real!

At first, I didn’t believe love existed. Then I learnt it existed, but not for me. Then I fell in love, and now, I am in love with two women! And it is not funny, not at all. Falling in love with Cathy was never part of my plans; she was a friend, someone I could talk to, mostly about how I longed for Carole. I still loved Carole, moreover I had only known Cathy for just two weeks! It is not a crush, I’m too old for that. But what really confused me, was the fact that I still retained my feelings for Carole. Cathy’s entry into my emotional system hadn’t dislodged Carole. I still loved her as much. Cathy was even more surprised when I told her. She thought it was a prank and tried to laugh it off, but I broke it down for her, and soon she was paying attention. I hoped she would reject me, making it easier to deal with the situation. Being in love with one person was confusing, I didn’t think I would manage being in love with two women. But, Cathy too was having her own issues; she was attracted to me too. I didn’t know exactly what to do about it. Now what exactly was I supposed to do? I stopped calling Cathy, thinking that if I didn’t talk to her, I would forget about her. Then she would slip out of my system like she had slipped in silently. But that didn’t happen, because the very next day, I called her up and we met for lunch. And I stopped pretending; I was smitten by her! My confusion became absolute. I felt for Cathy exactly what I felt for Carole. Cathy, mysteriously, didn’t talk about Carole; I think she too didn’t know how to deal with the situation. Maybe she hoped that Carole would just fade out of my life. But I knew that wasn’t going to happen. I went back home and called Carole. I was surprised when she picked up. We discussed general topics, avoiding the topic of me and her. Eventually we did talk about it, and she admitted she missed being with me, and that she wanted to try it again. I considered telling her about Cathy, but I quickly changed my mind, as that would be the end of me and Carole, every last hope! We agreed to meet the next day and talk. We talked, and made up. I couldn’t believe Carole was taking me back! I was overjoyed, but Cathy was never far from my mind. It haunted me because I couldn’t make sense of it. How could I be in love with two women? Could it be real? Was it true love? I thought of telling Cathy to leave, but I just couldn’t do it. We had grown really close in the past two weeks, and yeah, I loved her. Not as much as I loved Carole, but almost. They were different people, Cathy and Carole. That’s why it was very easy for me to love both of them. What I loved in Carole was different from what I loved in Cathy; two different women, two loves of my life. I was in a real fix, but then these things usually sort themselves out. I dropped Carole back at her place, and I was driving back, happily singing along to the radio when Cathy called. She wanted to see me. She was at her place. I drove over to her place and found there was nothing wrong with her. She said she just wanted to see me and be with me. We watched movies. Cathy didn’t know I had made up with Carole, and I didn’t see the point of telling her. Later, back at my house, I had to call Carole and talk to her for about thirty minutes, then call Cathy and talk to her for another thirty minutes, all in the name of saying goodnight to my girlfriends. Already, I could tell it was going to be expensive to manage two girlfriends. Ends