“Once a Villager, Ever a Villager”

The last time we talked, I had headed off to the one and only Mfashumwana aka Kyererezi. Arriving in style took the gas out of many villagers’ bonnets! Not too bad for a son of a villager! Since I was driving in a real HARRIER (a brand of a TOYOTA car), I was set to disprove the saying that goes as, “No Hurry in Africa”, who wouldn’t hurry, if he was driving in a HARRIER any way? Even the Traffic Police guys were not a match, they literary did not see where my car went; how on earth could they have mounted a chase? A lot of water has flown under the bridges, instead of Mr. Matiyansi (the barber), so many young men have emerged as “hair cutters”, these rascals cannot match our hero Matiya (as he was popularly called), I was referred to a one Bahati, with the assurance that, he was the best of the best, I presented my head for a good shaolin (bald) cut, whenever he “ploughed” the hair upwards, I would rise with the movement of the goddam electrical clipper. By the time the “hair mowing” was done, I felt like someone having a really hot “imbabura” placed onto both my head and chin. Gosh, in Kigali, the worst barber was still better than the best of theirs! With deep shock, I was told that Matiya passed away about a decade ago; cause of death, took too much “kanyanga” (crude waragi), that is, he drunk himself to death! Many people have been turned to waste because of uncontrollably consuming the deadly “kanyanga”. By the way,the crude stuff they consume is highly inflammable; it is used as a raw material for the manufacture of the popular “Uganda Waragi”. Worse still, most of my age mates have left the village to settle in more developed places like Fort portal and Kampala. I really had a hard time coping with the youngsters or oldies. Instead of staying for at least a week, I decided to cut short my visit and stayed for only two days. Apart from the HARRIER being a real fuel guzzler, it was a real runner. As they say, “you are what you do” if you eat a burger, then you are a burger; if you graze cows, eat and sleep like them, then you are a cow! If you drive a HARRIER and make it hurry, you are then a harrier too! Talk of being a cow, a one guy from the hills of Mulenge in DR Congo a.k.a. Munyamulenge, went to Brussels, an overzealous Mzungu looked at him and got irritated by his behaviour, he instantly rebuked him by calling him a cow. Instead of getting angry, the guy (being insulted)began jumping up excitedly, “you guy must be very brilliant, how did you know about it? I am a Nyambo cow”, the man from Mulenge shouted out excitedly! I better return the guy’s HARRIER or else I might become over used to such a luxury and yet, I cannot afford one! mfashumwana@fastmail.fm