living life : Think Before You Speak

Everybody wants to keep you talking – be it your boss who wants you to sell more, your partner who wants you to express your emotions better, your family which wants to be reassured of your wellbeing, and of course, your mobile phone provider which wants to make more money of your talk. In these columns I have previously extolled the virtues of less talk, and more listening. Today, I add a missing lick in the puzzle – thought! Human nature is such that sometimes we act or speak without thinking which has advantages and disadvantages. In times of trouble, the brains tells us to fight or fly, we do not have time to think, but the body instructs us to act or speak immediately and the time saved could also saved a bad situation from happening or save your life. On the other hand, to act or speak without thinking is dangerous, so one has to find a sought of perfect balance, The goal being to be aware of when to talk naturally and fluidly, and when to think before we speak... and when not to speak at all. One rule of thumb is if it does not sound good in your head, don’t say it. If you don’t have something to say, don’t say anything at all? Many a time you find people in group conversation who are forced to say something just because everybody is talking and when they open their mouth, everybody goes quit and wonders ‘what the heck?’ was he even listening? Man can tame the beasts of the field but cannot tame his tongue. All it takes is one or two ill-placed words, and you have offended someone, started a rumor, gossiped or criticized, and eroded a portion of your character. The bridling of our tongue takes effort—a conscious, daily, minute-by-minute effort—to think before we speak. Speaking the right words at the right time can mean the difference between success and failure. You could hurt someone unknowingly with the words you speak or the way you say them. Once the words leave your mouth, it is impossible to take them back. It doesn’t matter how unintentional they may be, words can sometimes cut a lot deeper than a sword. Very often you’ll hear people say, “I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings,” well if you didn’t want to hurt feelings why couldn’t you be thoughtful before you let the unpleasant words escape your loose lips. Before you speak, think about who you are speaking to. What do you know about them, their likely response to your message and their level of understanding? When you have taken the time to consider this information you can aim to pitch your message at the right level for the audience. Also, only 7% of the impact of our message is due to the actual words and the balance is made up from non-verbal elements, including tone of voice. So when talking to a person or a group, read their body language the way they perceive you before you talk. If you are talking to a group of secondary school kids and you go all intellectual you will be outright boring and if you go ‘Wazzup’ on a group of professors, they will turn to their newspapers. Also, if you eyeing this very cute girl and go bragging, my father owns this, people say am like this, I just landed from America, she reads INSECURITY. You want what you are to define who you are and besides she is too used to hearing that. Instead, try showing that you are the special one by not saying anything about yourself but courteously but humorously wondering why she does not have a boyfriend for example. Be mysterious, and make her look ordinary, without being offensive – Let’s leave this lesson for another day, and stick to thinking before you speak.Have a thoughtful day. kelviod@yahoo.com