Diaspoman : How we earned ourselves different types of bruises

Way back in the mid 90s, Aggrey and I used to earn ourselves different types of bruises. That was an era in which both Aggrey and I guzzled huge volumes of booze. That meant that one crafty lady called Béa benefited from our very thirsty throats. She owned a small pub in the poor section of Kiyovu. We happened to be residents nearby and that is why we always ended up visiting her crowded and noisy pub. Béa really loved the sight of cash. Whenever the month was coming to a close, Béa would unleash her weapons of mass destruction upon us. These weapons were in form of nice looking ladies who would join us at the counter for serious guzzling. That kind of guzzling usually ended up into two kinds of bruises. The first type of injury was to our pockets. As we tanked bottle after bottle, our wallets would start to cough and cough until the whole salary was wiped out. The second type of bruising that I am referring to concerned our faces. You see, after downing several bottles of Amstels, Aggrey and I would stand up to challenge anybody in sight. Somehow, we would convince our drunken heads that we were Superman and Spiderman combined together. That is why we would climb on top of the counter and declare war on whoever touched our babes. Since the other patrons in the bar would also be highly intoxicated, they too would stand up to the challenge. The guys were usually bulky dudes. Our minds would however convince us that we were heavier than them. The next thing would be catastrophic for us. The heavy dudes would indeed proceed to disturb us by picking our chicks and proceed to dance with them in the most provocative Zoukish manner. This would drive us crazy. We would then release some nice looking flying kicks which would even make Jackie Chan ashamed of himself. The problem is that our kicks were always similar to kicks of a dying mosquito. So, whenever we attempted to fight off our competitors, we always ended up in real trouble. The dudes would give us some nice hot jabs that would leave us with bruises all over our face. The only advantage of such jabs is that we would sober up almost immediately. Once we were sober again, we would kneel down and beg for forgiveness. Our chicks would then laugh at us as they left with their new heroes. As for us, we just walked back home to nurse our funny looking faces. We would then turn all our frustrations on our poor houseboy for not having prepared our usual meal of rice and beans. “But boss, you have not bought any food for the last 3 weeks” Eventually the houseboy would pack up his belongings and flee our home. If we were lucky, the houseboy would flee with a few pairs of shoes. Well, Aggrey and I had to sit down and revise our strategies. We decided that Béa had to face some tough sanctions. The sanctions implied that we would, from henceforth take our money to her main rival across the road. The rival was an elderly lady whose main clients were old folks who had tasted better days. Our only problem is that the place was so boring; no music, no ambience and no chicks. Anyhow, Aggrey and I decided that we would shift to this new pub. We convinced ourselves that this stiff old pub would soon be transformed into a vibrant and real competitor that would send Béa into fierce tantrums… diaspoman@yahoo.com