A story about Africa involving someone important and fine plus those that Nigerian legend FelaKuti called Vagabonds in Power-VIPs, is in the offing. But it is so far away from here that even writing about it is a tough wit game, which is afforded only to a columnist. It is far away in the priorities of relevance, proximity and eminence. But a story is never strange; after all it is just that, a story. The theatre is at The Hague in Netherlands and Supermodels and cameras grace it with one of those catwalk galleries that are decorated. And they don’t come bigger or even better than Naomi Campbell; that most graceful of women. She is appearing in a de’ja’vu scene where ghosts are playing tricks on her. She even now looks troubled or trodden; I swear, look at her face. Her cast involves Charles Tayor playing the role of illegitimate African leader and the drama is completed with wigged lawyers; they look like Father Christmas. I have been in one such court at Arusha where a cousin of The Hague; the International Criminal Tribunal for Rwanda is trying genocide suspects. It was like a play, life was reduced to eloquent elite debate laced with figures, colours, cars and talk; everyday I walked into that court I was tempted to spit at the fat security guards and even fatter bureaucrats. But who wants all that narrative really? A day in court In other news; Naomi Campbell; she of the long neck, beautiful eyes, even more beautiful legs that stretch up to her shoulders and curves that only God can design. But you can put all that in past tense now. Charles Taylor drools upon her at one party in Pretoria in 1997, they get cozy and flirt; looking deep in their exotic Africa eyes. Taylor, in the game of wooing and perhaps even revelling in the benefits of wooing decides to gift Naomi Campbell with a diamond. Read that again; a couple diamond stones. It is even juicier for us common folk. We talk about cars, houses, envy the fine people and even dream of having custom made women like Naomi. It takes diamonds my friend. Diamonds! I have never seen a real diamond myself and I can’t comprehend why the goddamn stone along with gold is used as a measure of prestige and power the world over. And why they attract women the way pollen grain attracts bees. Hell, I cannot even tell the difference between diamond and silver. I hear they got the thing aplenty in Congo and it is traded in Goma for just two hundred dollars but true, hakiyamungu, even after visiting Goma many times, I have no idea what is the BIG DEAL. I see hustlers selling fake jewel on the streets in east Africa but I have never bought a stone other than those used in construction. I have heard that stones have many movies about them, movies about guns, grim looking African chiefs, even grimmer muscled guys with machetes, as well as a couple massacred women and babies’ bodies putting in appearances. True, in the name of God, diamonds are a HUGE DEAL. I have watched Tears in the Sun and Blood Diamonds both based on true stories. Forget all that about the oil and its petro dollars ah well, maybe we shall keep the oil secrets for another day, there’s a possibility that Omar El Bashir of Sudan offered supermodel Tyra Banks an oil well; you never know! I hear The Hague is also keen on getting the Arab man for torturing his black countrymen in the south; never mind that these ones have no stones yet. Back to our story, think of a climax; no make that a threesome, VIPs and super beauties mingling and flirting a recipe for disaster. That exactly leads to the scene in the International Criminal Court at The Hague where diamonds, super-beauties, powerful men and parties swing from possible one nightstand and its wits. Naomi is asked to tell on herself in the court of law, the gift of diamonds from Taylor and their late night party in South Africa; she says: “seriously, I have never heard of Liberia and I don’t even know where it is on the map.” Never mind the diamonds actually came from Sierra Leone; but that is a story for another day. Damn it, Naomi must treat diamonds the way you treat your food. Imagine the difficulty you’d face if you had to explain the details of the food served on your table everyday. Are you expected to know about fries, chicken, vegetables and milk? Who grows it, who is responsible for its constant flow, how it is planted? Are the planters paid anyway? Do they have children? Hell; even my nosy neighbour would be cautious asking such many questions at every single meal! Working class people getting along In fact, let’s get away from the questions on fair trade, imaginations and even the self-righteousness. Let’s have a good conversation, let’s talk about gender relations, a woman, a president=gender and power relations, a presidential backpack that carries dirty diamonds to a late night party and a super model. Imagine a black supermodel in England, with all the attention and attraction in the world, then Taylor an African corrupt leader walking about as a pimp. Ah wait, he is a descendant of freed African slaves in North America who were forcibly returned at the end of slavery and resettled in Liberia and Sierra Leone. The former slaves in turn became kings and queens in the free countries; they even renamed one city Free Town. Many of the returnees became princes and chiefs in literal and figurative forms. Ever wondered why so many West Africans come with names such as Prince, King, and Chief? Just like you hear those arrogant British go around with Sir, Lord, viscount, Earl and my favourite duke. The prosecuting team in the case against Charles Taylor is smooth; you have to give it to them for getting their case to the front pages and even hidden ones like the one you are reading right now. Because would you really not give Naomi Campbell a diamond if you had some? And; is it not ironical that the blood diamonds were sold and worn in Europe and now it is in Europe that their retribution is taking place? donuwagiwabo@gmail.com
