When to consult with her Parents

As people cast their vote to choose their political destiny, most intending couples would in the same vein also seek the consent of their spouses’ parents to become part of a given family. Most relationships reach a point when the love affair must make room for the family affair. You have to meet the parents, which can be a nerve-wracking occasion for everyone involved. At long last, you find that special someone you can’t get enough of…those eyes, that height and ... those … parents? The ladies often find meeting her parents as a big step in their relationship because it portrays a deep sense of seriousness. What happens next is often building rapport with the different members of the family in the hope of securing a place in their hearts; when you finally “join” the family. Meeting the family of your fiancé is like preparing for a never to re-do encounter that will surely last a long time. Small aspects like the clothes you are putting on, the watch you are wearing, the cologne you are wearing, the shoes and the means you have used to get to your girlfriend’s home do matter a lot. These and all other accessories that you have chosen for the occasion carry great importance as they portray your personality. It is your “ticket” toacceptance into your girlfriend’s family. Many of us discover in our first years of dating, there are certain events which seem to mark the evolution of a relationship.A casual dating situation becomes a little more serious and the couple might stop seeing other people. As that exclusive relationship progresses, discussions may turn to the future- thoughts on marriage or children or careers. At this point, your girlfriend may feel comfortable enough to actually invite you home to meet her parents. The sound you’re now hearing is a thousand tires screeching to a halt! Meeting her parents for the first time does not have to resemble all of those sitcom and movie storylines about disastrous first impressions. If you can keep your wits about you, meeting her parents can actually turn out to be a very enlightening experience. If you ever want to understand how someone’s mind truly works, just visit her childhood home for two hours.First of all, it’s important to understand the significance of this first meeting from her point of view. Most prospective girlfriends spend most of their time separating promising princes from disappointing frogs. Part of that decision-making process is rooted in her own upbringing and family dynamics. Nobody understands better than she does. Almost all of them understand how important it is to bring home a decent prospect. She knows the level of scrutiny a boyfriend might face, and she also understands the reasons behind that scrutiny. Most of all, if you’ve been invited to meet your girlfriend’s parents, appreciate the gesture for the significant event it is. Sarah Bukenya, a teenage counselor says if you find yourself wearing your cleanest shirt and standing nervously outside your girlfriend’s parent’s door, you should have a lot to keep in mind. “Long before the actual meeting; try to find out as much about her parents as you can. Ask her if they are sensitive about certain topics, such as religion or alcohol or politics. Do they have interesting careers or hobbies?” Sarah further says that the intending boyfriend should also find out the nature of the family. “Are they liberal or conservative? What sort of entertainment do they prefer? Would they find any of your personality traits offensive?” She adds. Sarah says the more you can learn from your girlfriend, the less likely you are likely to offend her parents unknowingly.She also advises that meeting near-strangers is already difficult, so it helps to follow the lead of someone who knows them much better. “Keep an eye on her manner around her parents. Is she completely at ease, slightly formal or seized with fear? There’s almost always an exaggeration of personality during awkward events, but the way she’s behaving should be a clue for your own,” she advises. Sarah says most parents are usually easygoing with their children’s significant partners, because they truly value their child’s happiness. “If you’re making their daughter happy, you’ve won half the battle,” she urges. She advises the prospective boyfriend to dress for success, but not necessarily for a wedding. “A clean appearance can make a good first impression, but try to find a balance between your own style and a more formal one. It’s better to present yourself as someone who is comfortable in his own skin, not trying too hard to be presentable,” she advises. “Leave the t-shirts and worn jeans at home, obviously, but dress at the same level as your girlfriend. Try not to accessorize with anything controversial- no earrings, body piercing or provocative hairstyles,” she emphasizes. Sarah says even if her parents understand their daughter’s alternative lifestyle or artistic flair, a first meeting does call for general understatement. Sarah adds that most of the times, the man will be under scrutiny, so she advises that you should avoid going over the top. “Remember that her parents are also people who have never met you before this particular evening. They may not understand your sense of humour or tastes in music or opinion on political issues. This is not the time to demonstrate all three at once,” she explains. She says the prospective boyfriend should demonstrate his ability to match his personality to the situation at hand.“One of your girlfriend’s unspoken fears is being embarrassed by your unchecked behaviour. Allow the conversations to flow naturally and insert just enough of your personality to let her parents get a favourable impression,” she says. She throws some more light that the prospective boyfriend should not worry if the first meeting does not go well. “Parents and their children often have conflicts when it comes to dating. Parents look for different qualities in a prospective son-in-law than your girlfriend might. Parents tend to look towards the future- a promising career, emotional stability, and long-term goals,” she says. She notes that it’s important not to create more tension if the first meeting takes a bad turn. Instead, concentrate on strengthening your relationship. Sarah advises the couple to always plan a new visit with her parents when some time has passed. oris2246@yahoo.com