Sermon: The greatest conflicts are not between two people but Between one person and himself

In the liturgy of 18th Sunday, Jesus teaches us a great lesson on the danger of human conflict and the necessity of learning the principles of conflict resolution. This happened when Jesus had a crowd of many thousands listening to him as he explained to them the overall principle regarding material things. (Luke 12; 13 - 21) All of a sudden, someone in the crowd shouted, “Master, tell my brother to divide the inheritance with me.” All were so astonished to hear such an interruption, because Jesus was saying: “Watch out! Be on your guard against all kinds of greed; a man’s life does not consist in the abundance of his possessions.” Jesus stopped his discourse and answered the interrupter: “Man, who appointed me a judge or an arbiter between you?” To deserve such a response from Jesus is an indication that the man had a serious problem of his own making. The Jewish law of the day was clear on the matter: the elder brother would receive two-thirds of the inheritance and the younger brother would receive one-third. Why then should this man ask Jesus to take sides with him against his brother without listening to both sides and make a right judgment! He surely had some kind of emotional conflict within himself. Hence, Jesus’ answer: ‘Man, who made me a judge or an arbitrator over you?’ Surely, it isn’t that Jesus is unconcerned about justice; but that he was all too aware that this man’s covetousness had done him more harm than not having his share of the inheritance. And that is where our problem lies, in our community which has been largely marked with conflicts. They do harm our integrity as the saying goes: The greatest conflicts are not between two people but between one person and himself! In life we may rightly fight hard for what is ours by right; funny enough, at the end, we have no guarantee that having it will always make us better people. And this is due to the deceptive nature of the heart which is man’s greatest challenge. We often mask our covetousness by claiming we are on a righteous crusade. That is why Jesus insists that we should protect ourselves from covetousness: ‘one’s life does not consist in the abundance of the things he possesses.’ He says. As Rwandans, we may learn a lot from this man’s behavior. Already his covetousness had done him more harm than not having his share of the inheritance. He had lost control of himself. He was suffering from emotional conflict. Psychologists would say that in his subconscious he had different and opposing emotions relating to sharing the inheritance between him and his brother. Consequently, he had lost touch with the outside world. We too may experience this kind of danger at one time or another and it is essential that we know how to control it. One way of dealing with such physical manifestations of our internal conflicts, is by becoming aware of the real life conflict that triggered them. While it is not easy, and at times might even seem impossible, we can achieve more by relaxing, calming down, and trying to find out what recent experience or event could have been the cause of our inner conflict. And by bringing these underlying conflict to our awareness, by rationally looking at and dealing with the conflicting desires and needs, a gradual dissipation and relief of the pain is possible. Instead of masking our covetousness and parading as if we were on a righteous crusade. On the other hand, conflicts between people and parties too are a fact of our daily life especially in a community like ours. They may be caused by actual or perceived opposition of needs, values, and interests or just by our history. Without proper social arrangement these conflicts will always result in all sorts of danger. Even in cases we say that there is only a potential conflict; we already imply that there is a conflict of vision which is a threat that a clash may happen. Given the problematic of any conflict, we must in particular as Rwandans, and at this particular moment of our history, know how to behave ourselves in such moments. Learning from Thomas Kilmann’s conflict mode instrument; there may be five basic ways in which we may try to address conflicts but after a careful study on which of the five is suitable for a particular conflict. We may proceed by accommodation, surrendering our own needs and wishes to accommodate the other party. By avoidance hence postponing or ignoring misunderstanding or changing the subject. By collaboration; working together to find a mutually beneficial solution. By compromise; bringing the problem into the open and have the third person present. Or just by competition, asserting one’s viewpoint at the potential expense of another if it is the only way and when we are sure that achieving our objectives outweighs our concern for the relationship. And in all these, we should remember that conflicts begin and end in the hearts and minds of people, not with fire at the tops of our thousand hills! Ends