Diaspoman: How FESPAD helped me to connect…

Recently, I landed myself a nice Kiraka in this big company here in Kigali. I have been telling friends and foes that now I work as a specialist in Computer Databases. With the little knowledge that I had acquired from the Diaspora, I can at least be able to start and shut down a Computer. So, when I managed to fluke a Kiraka in this company, I convinced myself that I was a real ICT expert all the way from the Diaspora. But of course the truth of the matter is that I was given a Kiraka to post some old archived data into a database that had been built long ago. Apparently, this company was having it rough with the tax authorities and hence the need to capture all their old data into the computer so as to generate several reports. The timing of this Kiraka was perfect. It coincided with the time that Rwanda was hosting FESPAD. I felt that it was the right time for me to seriously polish my negotiation skills. The FESPAD occasion had to be the right forum for me. It would give me the chance to interact with people from all over the world and possibly grab some lucrative opportunities! All I had to do was to stay in tune with the trends. That is why I refused to dress up in T-shirts and Levis Jeans. Instead, I insisted on dressing up in my Diaspora suits and neck-ties. I also insisted on shaving my head clean! It was so clean that even you could see your own reflection as if you were using a mirror. Okay, here I was entering this office as if I was the overall boss. I sat in my corner where I started to input the old and dusty data into the computer. Obviously, it was not so surprising when some people popped into the office and mistook me to be the real boss. When I showed them who the boss was, they found it hard to hide their astonishment. My boss was always in T-shirts while I was the one dressed to kill. I think the boss has started to think that I could be fighting for his job! Anyways, in the evenings I walked through the streets with a folder under my armpit. Whenever I met anyone who knew me, I told them that I was attending FESPAD as a serious consultant. I told them even though FESPAD was more into culture, I could still advance my I.T portfolio to the visitors from Asia and America! So, I told myself that since my FESPAD mission was a sure deal – then it was also the opportune time for me to get connected to a future bride. As I have told you several times before, I have been under pressure to hook myself to what Mfashumwana likes to call a chain keeper. The old men in Mutara have been pushing me due to one reason – they want to have that chance of tanking several liters of Beers all the way from Kigali. Whenever there is a wedding function, there are always untold volumes of booze to enjoy. That is why I have been on this bride hunt for some years now. Anyways, with this Kiraka of mine, I have managed to convince some unsuspecting chicks that I am one of the FESPAD organizers. I even risked losing my Kiraka by inviting the chicks at lunch time to visit my so called office. I timed their visits around lunch time when my Boss was out for lunch. That is when I called in the chicks for a tour around “my office”. I took them to my Boss’s office to give them a soft drink. I slumped myself into the boss’s leather chair and then lifted my legs onto the desk. The chicks were amazed! Wow, is this really your office? Oh yes, feel free and relax! Then I opened the small refrigerator and gave them some sodas. We continued to enjoy the ambience of my boss’s office until lunch time was over. It was time for my boss to come back and so I had to find a way of getting rid of these chicks. I asked them to leave but they became stubborn. They insisted that they wanted to surf the internet and send some e-mails to their friends. They also wanted to use the office phone to call their friends abroad. I was already sensing trouble. I began to tremble because anytime my boss would catch us. So, I had to play it cool by indirectly bribing the girls. I cajoled them into having lunch with me outside. Since these were not baturage girls, they recommended that I buy them lunch at the Serena Hotel. I had no choice. It was either an expensive lunch at Serena or losing my Kiraka forever… diaspoman@yahoo.com