I hate people who…

…are still listening to World Cup songs. Waka Waka this time for Africa! That was the hit song by Shakira whose hips can lie. Ok, wake up right now because it is time for your favourite Sunday column, The Hater. The World Cup has long ended and serious people are listening to more serious music like the kind being played at Fespad. As if that is not enough some people even have this stale song as their ring tone. Is there no way MTN, Rwandatel and Tigo can over charge these fools for having a stale ring tone just to make our world a better place? We civilised citizens deserve better. …book seats for their friends on the bus. I don’t know if it’s a sign of development or poor public transport but our city finally has some sort of rush hour where we have to fight to get on the bus back home. The fights always seem toughest at the Rubangura’s spot after working hours. During this scuffle I always develop hatred for those people (men especially) who love to play macho by getting in and reserving a seat for their female friends. Please, don’t tell me they are being sweet gentlemen. Gentlemen don’t fight, they wait patiently. And dude, I did not fight my way into the bus for you to tell me the seat is taken by your sister. This is not your father’s car. …borrow money from me and switch off their phones. Sometimes I am forced to learn the hard way that I am only a writer and not a loan officer. For this tough lesson, I need to say that I hate people who keep their phones off simply because they are not willing to pay me back. The debtor’s phone is only switched on when the joker has come up with a new excuse to delay paying me back. This only makes me feel I should have lent you more than just money. Next time I will make sure I top up the loan with a phone whose ‘off’ button is absent. Or better still, no more lending from me, just hating. To survive my hatred, just go to the bank next time. I am not your father after all. …are ignorant about the presidential campaigns. If you only knew how much The Hater hates ignorant people, then you would ask Jesus to come back sooner than scheduled. Campaigns for this year’s presidential elections have already kicked off but some part time thinkers are not afraid to ask me about the candidates and other details like the voting day. Where have you been all this time? And how much are you going to pay me for doing a job that others are paid to do? Well I am only comfortable doing one job; hating. Not informing unserious ignorant people. Try other pages of this newspaper. …think that my job of hating is an easy one. If you are in this category then you deserve my utmost hatred. Who told you that what I do is simple? If it was, then Kofi Annan would have joined me for his retirement. Even Mandela failed to hate those who jailed him. Since I cannot stomach rubbish from human kind, I will hate. Suppressing all the love in me just to keep hating in order to make our society better is not simple at all. And that is why I am even hearing rumours that my name is on the list of nominees for a Nobel Prize. Let me help you hate by sending your suggestions to thehater2009@gmail.com or a text message to +250 758 545293.