The Hater : I hate people who…

…delay to pay their employees. I have really tried to avoid hating these people thinking that they may read this column and decide not to pay at all. But considering that today is the 11th day of the month and some people have not received their June salary, I have no option but to do my job which is to hate. The Hater receives his money on time but those who do not have become a problem to me because I have to keep financing them until they are paid. I hope the World Cup is not used as an excuse for not paying workers. My readers are supposed to read this column without any financial troubles or else they join me in hating you, yet I hold the hating monopoly. …only do good things out of guilt. This habit is very common among fake lovers. Being The Hater and not the lover, I have all the rights to hate these people. I am talking about those pretenders who only bring their girlfriends nice flowers after being caught cheating on them. Then we have those countries that just look on when there is a war or genocide. After all the damage, they flood a country with aid and numerous NGO programmes. Good deeds should be undertaken with the backing of serious commitment, competence and positive motivation. For example, I always hate with extreme commitment and proven competence not out of guilt! …cannot tell the difference between fresh air and strong winds. Anyone travelling by bus to Kampala or Nairobi would clearly know that it is better to keep the window closed when the bus is moving at full speed. Unfortunately not everyone seems to have a brain as good as mine. I totally hate mentally dull fellows who insist on keeping the bus window open arguing that they need fresh air. Dude, if a bus is moving at more than 100 Km/h then that is not fresh air. It’s simply strong wind mixed with dust. If you had wanted fresh air then you should have travelled at the back of a lorry. I just hope you never get to break aeroplane windows using the same weak argument. …complain each time their phone rings. I am about to start confiscating phones from some fools. I just detest those jokers who pretend and utter meaningless remarks each time their phone rings. On hearing the irritating ring tone, the fool blubbers, “Now why is Jane beeping me?” Dude, Jane is broke and she is your friend. She wants to talk to you. Why should you act surprised just because we are around? We are not the ones who told you to have friends who cannot afford airtime. The Hater keeps a distance from such people and is not beep-able. Anyone who risks is guaranteed of a beating sooner or later. …simply do not know what their job is all about. I have reserved my extreme disgust for an annoying fellow called Luis Suarez who claims to play football for Uruguay. I have used the word ‘claims’ because this Latino joker totally has no clue what football is all about. This is a guy who came to the World Cup claiming to be a striker for his team but proved to the world that he was just a Volleyball player! He even forgot that Uruguay already had a goalkeeper! This is the guy who cheated Ghana out of the World Cup. I pray that the next World Cup finds him on the Uruguay national volleyball team. He is a just a talented volleyball player in the wrong profession. Let me help you hate by sending your suggestions to thehater2009@gmail.com or a text message to +250 758 545293.