From the Hammock : Africa and our Vuvuzela inspired space programme

With the World Cup in South Africa spinned as Africa’s time to showcase whatever we have here; the talking season is in frenzy. Pundits, serious people, important people, people of note and even our fellow Citizens are talking. Albeit in drink filled mouthfuls and typical Third Street foul mouths; you can call it ranting. Captured below are some of the things that concern our three favourite Citizens transcribed from a discourse taking place in that favourite of watering holes; The Ship&Anchor in downtown Citi. Naturally this is a good time to be in Africa or to be African, it is the World Cup for Christ’s sake on our doorstep. A global feast of joy and happiness. Don’t you reckon? Africa is now welcome to the cheer party of the world. But like the script goes; if you come late to the party you try to make up for lost time. (Ask UN representatives of their opinions regarding Muamar Gadafi’s UN summit speech in New York recently.) South Africans are late comers even to an African party but in a very short time they have successfully upset the established cheer party by their Vuvuzelas and this has many Citizens talking in space. Bwana Mdogo: “It was a laughable idea a year ago when it was announced that the DR Congo government was planning on launching a space programme. And no; we are not talking about the space as in political space, media space, personal space, democracy space and space in whatever fashion it comes in but the space of mars, the sun, rockets and scientists. DR Congo and a space programme really? You must be joking. The project is still in incubation but not many people take it serious. This is due to the fact that despite many countries in Africa being more developed and more stable than DRC, we have not yet embraced the space thing. The industry of satellites, rockets, and general space has simply not yet blossomed around here. Predictably, it is said that South Africa has nuclear technology, but not even they have space. As such there’s a very limited presence of Africa(ns) in space, the only known African who ever made it there was Michael Shuttleworth, a young and wealthy white South African investor. And even he had to pay 20 million dollars to go there as a tourist. While other people have been talking space, computers and satellites we are still stuck with the pre cold war technology of those poor miserable Russians and their notorious arms dealers. So when DR Congo announced their space programme we remarked; “seriously Congo?” we knew that a solution to our space conundrum would have to come from South Africa. And indeed our answers were answered recently in Africa’s creative hub; Johannesburg. Our first encounter with space was not ideal. It comes across as irritating; like someone you cannot stand in a staring contest. See? We have been left behind in the space race for so long yet we also need a presence there and if noble means won’t take us there we have no choice but to creep upon space with our noise. Episode one started on 11 June 2010 with a plastic horn. The now famous Vuvuzela, blown by South African crowds thronging football stadiums to watch The World Cup, apparently the sound produced by these horns has reached the science space. Never mind that many visitors have complained about its noise; upon which FIFA President Sepp Blatter has responded; “Seriously, this is Africa!” Maama nani: Perhaps they brought the World Cup to a wrong place, somewhere really bad, a place with a lot of crime and violence, rape, muggings, and HIV/Aids. And since it will take a little bit longer to see those other things, the poor Vuvuzela has been catapulted into a serious talking point of Africa’s World Cup. It might as well be the everlasting image and memory of the 2010 World Cup. I have an idea for a Vuvuzela moment; I suggest we build a statue in memory of this horn and how it made us heard in space. Caption it with a statement like; “we made contact with space minus the drama and the cold war.” We are good at this kind of thing, we build statues everywhere in Africa, and in fact recently we just got a cathedral of statues, the mother of them statues across the world. This one was even a prophesy of Kenya’s Ngugi Wa Thiongo in his book; “The Wizard of the Crow.” The cathedral of African statues built by Senegal’s Abdoulaye Wade in Dakar cost more than 28 million dollars. But in fairness to Wade, the statue is that of a guy with abs, a marvellous woman by his side and they are even carrying a cute child. The African Renaissance project as it is known could have been worse, just imagine it being the face of Wade himself while at the same time he earns a fortune from it from tourists. Indeed Africa, space and sports are good topics for future generations to interest themselves. Mtu Mzima: Take away your craze! Take away your Africa and its World Cup spin. I will watch football even if the World Cup was held in Tonga, Fiji or Samoa. Please don’t tell me about apartheid, crime, violence, HIV/Aids, spin this spin that. I have known about these issues for a very long time; very eloquently told through the lives of Lucky Dube and Brenda Fasie. And don’t even tell me about your Vuvuzela. This is sport. South Africa is not different from Germany or Bhutan. I don’t care who hosts the thing. It is not the place I feel attached to. It is the play, the competition and the story of those countries that are competing. Save me the drama not connected to the sport. donuwagiwabo@gmail.com