HOMOUR : It’s a witty world

Among the many things that bring a smile on my face are the Sign-Posts, notices and other means people use to advertise especially in and around Kigali. When you take time and read carefully, your ribs can hurt from laughing; the funniest ones are written in a language related to English. Recently I was slapped in the face by a banner announcing the opening of a new school of languages at Remera. “Speak, Write and Read ‘Engrish’ in three months”, the advert promised. Did they mean English or it’s a new language we’ve never heard of? In the same area, a hair saloon poster reads, “We cut hair on small price.” Entering through the gate of one of the Country’s University campus, I read a warning and my heart skipped a beat! “Cobra at Campus”. Later I was informed that it was an advert not a warning. Could it have been a ‘cobbler’ the post was informing us about? As if that’s not enough, sitting next to a very beautiful lady, ( people it’s really ok to speak your mother language and still be cool, or sophisticated than messing or miss-pronounce your fancy language), “Hullo!” The young lady answered her call, “Yes, prease, am from visiting my famiry.” And when the other person on the end of the line said something, in amazement she blurted ‘Reary’? I will corr you when I reach my loom. I exited the mini-bus with a huge masked smile; it’s in that mood I decided to share with you some of the ‘Silent rib breakers’ Warnings Safari park; “Elephants, please, stay in your car” “Don’t drink and drive you might hit a bump and spill your drink” “Conserve water, shower with a friend, conserve toilet papers use both sides” A dry cleaners; “anyone leaving their clothes here for more than thirty days will be disposed of” In a factory; “Warning to Young ladies, if you’re wearing loose clothes be careful with the machinery, if you’re wearing tight clothes beware of the machinists” In the cemetery; “People are prohibited from picking flowers from any but their own grave” In a restaurant; “Customers who find our waitresses rude ought to see our manager” Restaurant; “don’t stand up there and be hungry come in and get fed up” “Restaurant is open seven days a week and on weekend too.”Office building; “toilet out of order, please use the floor below”On someone’s gate; “is there life after death? Trespass here and find out” Doctor’s office; “we specialize in women and other diseases” At a Covent’s gate; “trespassers will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law-(sisters of mercy)” In an office; “after the tea break, staff should empty the tea pots and stand upside down on the draining board”Store; “why go else where to be cheated when you can come here?” Appliance store; “don’t kill your wife, let the washing machine do the dirty work” Bumper stickers -Don’t drink to drown your sorrow, sorrow knows how to swim, -Earth first, we’ll burn other planets later,-Heart attack-Gods revenge on eating his animals,-I took a pain killer, why are you still here?-I wish I could kill the sexiest person alive but suicide is a crime - Watch out for the fool behind me,-If you’re rich am single- Adults are just kids with money -Learn from your parents’ mistakes, use birth control-Constipated people don’t give a shit!-Life may suck but it beats the alternative washing machine Ends