It’s high time we learnt from our mistakes

Last weekend, I attended a funeral of a friend who passed away in a road accident. Most of the speakers at the funeral derided the state of our roads and the failure of motorists to observe traffic regulations and asked somebody to do something about it. As I sat listening to them, I could not help snide at their rebuke, especially after an experience a relative and I had as we drove to the funeral, which was taking place at a remote corner of the country. We were running late and as we drove down a narrow stretch of road, we agonized about the atrocious behaviour other drivers displayed on the road. Some were over speeding; others would overtake around blind corners, with a few others rudely and dangerously cutting in, hooting unnecessarily and driving off the road to overtake. Everybody seemed to be in a hurry of sorts. So when we finally arrived at the funeral venue, it was a big shock to find most of the vehicles we had encountered parked there. So I wondered why these people seemed to agree so heartily with the speakers on the sad situation on our roads and yet, by their driving, seemed very eager to join the deceased person. But it seems that the same attitude occurs in marriages. Most couples, prior to getting married equip themselves with ample information and draw examples on what a marriage should or should not be. However, once married, they propagate the same mistakes others made and end up in bad marriages when they would have avoided it. For instance, and this is a common enough example, a girl will grow up witnessing an abusive marriage between her parents. Maybe the father beats the mother, comes home late in the night and expects to find a warm meal, cooked by his wife, waiting for him. The whole family is miserable and the children probably maladjusted. She then leaves home and meets this guy. As they are relating, she will see flashes of violence in him and he could even have struck out at her once or twice. She knows she should run for her life, but for some difficult reason to understand, she does not. Soon she is in another abusive relationship and now she is the wife being bashed by her husband. All of us know the damage that extra marital affairs have on the parties concerned. The husband operates a double lifestyle that is just hard work to maintain, especially when his wife has no clue that he has another woman somewhere. Living a lie must be tough work. The wife, on the other hand, is a lonely woman. She has a husband only by name and maybe the ring on her finger, if she still wears it. The children, of course, are caught in between. They might not even know the tension between their parents, but will be severely affected by it all the same. Poor souls! Yet, despite countless examples of the foregoing, extra-marital affairs flourish in society and the heinous cycle of misery and suffering in marriages continues unabated. Relationships break up, hearts get broken, and families tear apart and society disintegrates further. To go to my comparison with road accidents, accidents continue to soar, lives are lost, families bereaved and carnage unparalleled. Haven’t we had enough tragic road accidents to be careful about our terrible road manners? A slower speed will still get you there. Careful driving is good not only for you, but to other road users as well. When you harass another driver on the road, you increase the likelihood of him or her panicking, which will increase the likelihood of an accident happening. Is that necessary? Likewise, the number of broken marriages and their devastating consequences should serve as enough warning for you as a husband and wife going down the same road. How many children are orphaned because both parents died from HIV related complications brought about by unfaithfulness by one of the spouses? Men, isn’t it time we eased up on frequent visits to the red light districts in your town? Women, shouldn’t you cut out the office romances with co-workers? What is the need of turning your wife into a punching bag at home? It only brings her untold suffering and traumatizes your children for life. Do we need to bring up a wrongly adjusted generation due to our own sickening behaviour? When will we learn that a husband and wife form the nucleus of the fabric of society and that by their action, positive or negative, so the society is determined? dedantos2002@yahoo.com