The marriage fairytale that was

SOME people think marriage is overrated. The story that we meet a certain someone, fall in love, get married and live happily ever after has become a fairytale that has long passed away. The question here is: Does everyone find their happily ever after? It’s certain that by the time people choose to get married, they know why they love, trust and care about someone. What then turns marriages so sour to the extent that couples loathe one another? It’s never easy knowing the person you are getting married to one hundred per cent. You could be engaged to a saint and then realize you are married to the devil himself. You just cannot figure out how someone so sweet could turn so bitter. He was your soul mate, the man of your dreams, the one who held you together when you were falling apart. How can he now say such things to you? How can he cheat on you and heartlessly humiliate you? All your friends knew about his string of affairs—meaning he is so far from caring about you that he could not even bother to be discreet. However, for some marriages this might not be the same scenario. The lack of communication or understanding, the fact that couples just do not look at each other eye to eye and that they can’t seem to agree on anything from mortgage issues, the kid’s soccer game at school to what television channel to watch, is a reality that the marriage fairytale is dead and gone. Due to these constant fights, couples find themselves estranged. That’s not all, how about those who have fooled everyone into believing that they are in marital bliss yet in reality they are so far apart, they make the distance between Africa and America seem like a centimeter. They will showcase at every function and corporate party, hug and kiss in public if they have to, and look like the perfect match made in Heaven. Back home, when the doors are firmly shut, all hell breaks loose; screaming and fighting, slamming doors, before retiring to their separate bedrooms is the order of the day. Then there are those who just cannot quit! When hit with the reality that the fire in their marriage burned out years ago, they stick around and just can’t walk away. The reasons vary; the kids, fear of being alone, nobody really knows. In most cases, not even your closest friend knows the pain and suffering that you are going through, that you have not had a decent conversation with your husband in over a year and yet you just do not have the nerve to do anything about it. On a brighter note, that doesn’t mean married people are never happy. Find out where you went wrong, if at all you did and try to rectify the problem. If your other half is still behaving like a complete jerk, politely sit them down and tell them how you feel. Silence does not always work. Communication is the way forward. If we could learn to listen to one another, acknowledge our flaws and work on them, be as patient and as understanding – the best way we know how, marriage might not be so bad after all. However, if your marriage fairytale comes to a harsh end, it is not the end of the world. Get yourself together and move on. There is always a solution if you look beyond yourself. Even though you have given up on love, it sure has not given up on you. cjanzi83@yahoo.co.uk