THE HATER : I hate people who…

…cheat their regular clients. You will agree with me that such people are at the bottom of the intelligence ladder. They certainly deserve to be hit on the head every morning. I have realised that this sick habit is most common with barmaids. These people are known to conclude that every drunken patron cannot count and thus should be cheated. This may seem a smart way of making money but they forget that eventually the clients who are not too drunk will realise and move to another bar. And so it is just a case of cutting the same tree branch you are sitting on! The Hater cannot be cheated because he has still failed to get drunk on Inyange mineral water. …do not observe any online etiquette. Yes, The Hater is hi-tech of late and this has meant increasing my hate-scope. We have to be good all the time (just like God). Some fellows with seemingly frozen brains tend to misbehave simply because they are using the internet and thinking it is ok because my hand cannot reach them for a slap. Ok, before we meet in person, you need to know that it is rude to use capital letters when chatting online because it implies shouting. Before you start asking me where I get such information from, you need to know that Bill Gates is my cousin. Yes it’s true. That is why I have a dog called Microsoft. Try to be decent because I have my eyes on you. …stand outside shops to watch videos. It is high time I got a license to arrest idlers in Kigali. I am so sick and tired of those jokers who are always standing outside those shops that sell DVDs or TV screens trying to follow a certainly boring Chinese film at a distance. These fellows end up blocking the way for serious and development oriented citizens like The Hater. And I am forced to hate them more when I realise that after watching the movies, these are the same people who snatch our phones when it’s dark. They waste their day just watching Jet Li or Bruce Lee killing all the co-actors in the film. …keep pornographic screensavers on their phones. One of these days I am going to request MTN, Rwandatel and Tigo to disconnect these dirty-minded fellows’ phones. I am talking about those potential rapists and paedophiles that prefer to have pornographic screensavers for their cheap and fake Chinese made phones. I know it is your personal property but when you come to town and mingle with sensible people like The Hater, you deserve a good beating somewhere close to the head so that you can wake up. I wonder why you do not just stick to looking at your naked body at home. You do not need a phone to see a naked body. …cannot differentiate between email and sms. If you may allow me to be a teacher for a moment then I need to inform my readers that an email is a letter that is transmitted electronically while sms refers to short message service. After such a lesson, please, allow me to hate all those people who annoyingly send me one-sentence emails. Are you trying to be funny? An email is not sms so please try sending something of more than two lines. If you have nothing to say then do not try saying it on my email account. I now have a deadly computer virus for such people. Be afraid. Be very afraid. Let me help you hate by sending your suggestions to thehater2009@gmail.com or a text message to +250 758 545293.