The last time we met, I was telling you how I had been mistaken for a VIP. Instead of trying to correct this error, I instead took advantage of the situation. You see, during my years in the Diaspora, I had grasped one important aspect of life; I had learnt that one should never let an opportunity pass by so easily. I have therefore tried not wasting any opportunities as they tend to knock at the door once in a life time. And this is exactly what I pursued when my SFB housemates took me along to share Easter lunch with their rich parents. For those of you who never read this column last time, I need to formally announce to you that Mr. Diaspoman is no longer a cheap person. He is now a real “Professor” at the very prestigious SFB of Mburabuturo. I had mentioned before that the letters SFB do not stand for “Special Frothy Beers”. No way! Although Diaspoman would not mind being appointed the head of such a brewery, I need to tell you that the letters SFB stand for; School of Finance and Banking. I earned this special title of “Professor” when my new housemates invited me for Easter lunch at their very rich home somewhere in Kibagabaga. These new housemates are freshers at SFB pursuing a degree course in Business Administration. As for me, I had also enrolled for the same 4-year degree course in the mature category. That is to say that my classmates at SFB were several years behind me in terms of age. So, when I started my new life as a student, I quickly realized that I could benefit by befriending some of these rich spoilt students. These rich spoilt students lamented to their parents that the food served at campus was not meant for upright thinking people. That is why they pleaded with their parents to rent for them a small house in the outskirts of Gikondo. Then they would supply them with foodstuffs, drinks and above all pocket money. Since I dreaded the idea of lining up for supper at the SFB dining hall, I convinced myself that I would be the winner if I hooked up with these guys. When I convinced them that my age and experience would help them gain their degree with less effort, they allowed me to put up in their house. And that was a beginning of a long journey that we expect would bring us lots of joy and fulfilment. I have been assisting my new friends to estimate how much money they would need for the entire 4 year degree course. We have been translating that into litres of booze and we have realized that life could not be any better! As part of the introduction to this new home, my colleagues urged me to visit with them for a heavy lunch at their parents’ home. Having crushed so many bottles of red wine, their Daddy stood up to give a speech and proceeded to thank his sons for having come along with their senior lecturer! As the sons held back their laughter, yours truly immediately spotted an opportunity. I realized that if I was to improve my weeping pockets, this was the right time to strike. That is why I also stood up to prepare a mini speech. I cleared my voice and spoke. I did not tell our host that I was a mere mature student at SFB searching for a degree which would enable me follow in the footsteps of my old dear friend, Aggrey. No way! Instead I produced the following wise words from my mouth. “Thank you so much for hosting us for this special lunch. I am proud to announce that your sons are the best students that I have ever taught in my entire life as a Professor.” At this stage, the parents gave me an arousing handclap. I continued; “It is also my responsibility that I should take these kids to the next level. I know that with your input as well as mine, we could be looking at our future Governors and Ministers of this great land. Therefore, I suggest that you arrange to hire me on a part time basis for a nominal fee so that I could continue to assist these young men as they strive for even bigger things.” By the time we left for campus, I had already struck a deal with the parents. I pray that they never find out what a fake they were dealing with… diaspoman@yahoo.com
