It is when someone finds employment that real problems start to emerge. This is the time when relatives, friends and in-laws suddenly remember that you exist. As you may recall, Mr. Diaspoman himself recently landed a nice Kiraka in a big organization here in town. My task was to sit behind a computer and enter old data into the database. I was so excited that I started telling people about my new job. I explained to them that I had got a job as a consultant in matters to do with ICT. With this kind of information filtering through, I started receiving certain visitors that had never even thought that I was still alive. Therefore, it was little wonder when I started to receive old uncles and aunties all the way from the village. They came in with very many stories about cows and chickens plus goats. They came in demanding for money to sort out domestic problems back in the village. Since I had already proclaimed myself to be the chief consultant in the area of ICT, I could not withdraw – so I had to dish out the cash! In the process, I have become as poor as before. My kiraka payment ends up solving other people’s problems. I told myself that this pattern had to change. I had to start saving for the future! What about my future wife? What about my future kids? But as I was still thinking about my future family, I received a small shock when our office receptionist called me on phone. “Mr. Diaspoman your wife and kids are downstairs waiting for you – hurry up,” What, I asked? I have never been married! What’s all this about? The receptionist tried to describe them to me in vain. So I decided to go and check them out for myself. As soon as I reached the reception area, I was ambushed by four dirty looking children who rushed towards me excitedly “Papa! Papa! Papa!” Behind them was an elderly impoverished woman all the way from a village somewhere! I was dressed in a powerful suit and neck tie. Amidst this commotion, my fellow workmates came to see for themselves “Eh, Diaspoman – we did not know that you were a happily married man” I became very embarrassed indeed. I told them that there was a serious mistake here. For God’s sake, I have never been married! Then the impoverished woman began to speak “Really Diaspoman my love, why did you forsake us? Why did you leave us all alone in the village with nothing to eat?” At this point, my fellow workmates began to feel sympathetic towards the woman. They started chastising me like there was no tomorrow. They suggested that I had to face the disciplinary panel and explain my unsavory behavior. Meanwhile, the four children held on to my legs, begging that I should not leave them alone. It was like a very bad dream. I tried in vain to tell my workmates that these people were faking up stories in order to fleece me of all my money! But all my pleas fell on deaf ears. I therefore had to strike a deal with these con people. In order for me to free myself from my new found ‘kids’, I had to give them some small cash. I told them to go back to the village and wait for more assistance from me. I then rushed back to office and begged my boss to transfer me to another branch! “Sir, I have to change offices and work at another branch. I am a target of con people – please help me” My boss felt sorry for me. He has now promised to send me to another branch where I would continue working as a database clerk. This time, I will promise myself not to brag and boast around. I have learnt my lesson through the hard way! Bragging had indeed landed me in a bowl of hot soup! This time, I will keep under cover and make my small cash with little interruption. By the time my new family comes back to ask for more money, I will hopefully be at a different location altogether. Since my boss happens to be a close buddy of Aggrey, I am more than convinced that I will get my transfer. The only drawback is that I will no longer roam around town posing as an IT consultant. This time, I will remain a mere clerk trying to make ends meet… E-mail: diaspoman@yahoo.com
