Humour: The Villager: A villager in Buja, again!

Much as one can call me a villager, some “Bajus” are typical villagers, probably more than I am. Like the saying, it is easy to take the villager out of the Village, but taking the village out of him/her is rather an uphill task. For those who don’t know what I am talking about, I was recently on the northern shores of Lake Tanganyika and the home of Hallelujah Football club, now you know. I had revisited this place, this time on a business adventure. I have always wondered where the beauties Buja is renowned for are, much as people tend to talk about them. I can hardly see many to make the city a record breaker. I wouldn’t blame them if they do not stand out from the crowd; firstly, the levels of poverty here are quite alarming. This place is still in a state of insecurity and hence, things have not picked up well as yet, ish Allah, things will be rosy for them sooner than later. Every time I visit Burundi, it reminds me of the mid nineties in Kigali, people used to swallow the foreign brands of beers here as if there was no end. How I wish the likes of Aggrey and his ever thirsty friend, the Diaspoman were here, they surely would have drowned in these “pools” of liquour. Soon that is gonna change, there is word in the air that, sooner than later, these people will have to endure with the pains caused by the bite of some “Tax Serpent”; they will launch the “Rwanda Revenue Authority of Burundi”, that is if I borrow a leaf from the language of the late Ugandan dictator, Field Marshall Dr, General Idi Amin Dada, VC DSO MC, CBE “life president of Uganda”. I deliberately put the last title in quotes “” because, he never lived by it, as for the rest, he tried though he might have failed! If I may turn back the times, at one moment in time, the above mentioned Field Marshall blah, blah, blah, went to England and paid a visit to the Queen, and complained to her about Tanzania which was attacking Uganda, among other words, he said that, “Uganda is a peace loving country, but now, she is being attacked by soldiers of the Uganda Army of Tanzania who are causing many sufferings …” may be he meant to say “the Army of Tanzania”, for that reason, the “Rwanda Revenue Authority of Burundi” could be the same as the Burundi Revenue Authority. However, what I was not able to establish was whether the renowned Tax man, Mr. Labi Siaw will be the same guy to grace it! Surely, this gentleman has been credited with stabling revenue authorities in more than three countries, i.e. Ghana, Uganda, Rwanda etc. As I was saying, how on earth would you allow people to keep swallowing the larger than life bottles of Heineken? In Rwanda, these beers cost a fortune and a preserve for only the well to do but in Buja, every Tom, Dick and Harry consume them alike. It is like consuming PRIMUS! This time around, I decided to visit the Club Havana or is it Florida (I’m not quite sure, I keep confusing the two, what is for sure is that, on is in Nairobi and the other in Buja) for Karaoke but I wasn’t as impressed as when I went there for the first time! Maybe the problem was that I expected more than what I had paid for! All in all, the performance was mediocre, going by the patrons and the situation on the ground, there was no much reason to complain too much. The biggest problem was that, I had no companions, I was just alone, and this could have been the cause of the boredom. I pray that the “chainkeeper” does not read this article, if she does, then she may not misunderstand the article, I bear no malicious intentions whatsoever, I am just trying to reveal an accurate account of what I went through. For your own information (chainkeeper), do you remember the day we mentioned those several “I do, I do, I do’s”? I think they still hold plenty of water. For sure, nothing compare to you (my wife)! Ok, let us go on. Because of these guys sijui the FNL, who have been threatening war on the regime in Buja, people no longer go out until late, they are quite cautious to the extent that they return to their homes early enough to avoid trouble. I headed back to my Amahoro hotel before the clock could strike mid night. This is contrary to our Kigali , in order to mark the one hundred years of existence, the City Mayor, Dakitari Aisha declared Kigali a city of no “sleepers” (not the ones you wear in your feet but those that go to bed). There is this friend of mine called Dawudi, he is an ardent lover of the bottle, the one with spirits and hops, these days, he no longer returns home at all, he drinks from sun down until sun up, the bars can no longer shut as they have to operate for twenty four hours, I hope this will not displease uncle Pawulo. E-mail: Mfashumwana@fastmail.fm