FOCUS : Domestic Conflicts

I was reading a very interesting debate recently in, The New Times, about whether emancipation of women has led to a greater number of domestic conflicts. Well that is a debatable question and was discussed by many people. Domestic conflicts I believe have been in existence in all communities world over since ages. Only thing is now more conflicts come in the open. This is due to increased means of communication, increased exposure of such conflicts by the media and rising incidence of intolerance among couples. Maybe increasing economic empowerment of women has contributed to increasing mutual intolerance in a small way. But that alone is not the cause for domestic disputes. As it takes 2 to start a family, 2 are also needed to start a conflict at home. It is aptly said, one cannot clap with one hand alone. Increasing emancipation of women has certainly made them economically independent and free to make decisions. But in majority of cases nobody has any problem with it. In fact, in many families, working of the woman adds on the income, happiness and prosperity of the family. Many husbands and children take pride in the fact that their wives/mothers are working. Conflicts do occur in these families but not necessary major ones or ones likely to spoil relationships. On the other hand conflicts also occur in families where women are not emancipated. They may be of a serious nature, leading to separation or divorce. So, women’s emancipation is certainly not a cause for domestic disputes. There are other factors which are responsible for conflicts among a couple or in the family. Intolerance and refusal to adjust being the major ones. No 2 individuals are exactly alike in their likes and thinking. When people start living together under one roof, from morning to night, many things come forward which one does not know about his/her spouse before. These include habits regarding food, watching T.V. , sleeping,e.t.c. which may or may not be liked by another person. Now if he/she is tolerant enough it is fine, otherwise fighting starts over petty issues. Some people are so intolerant that they cannot stand any opinion or say in any matter apart from their own and quarrel frequently.Same applies to problem of adjustment. When you live with a person coming from another background, having a different temperament, you should try to adjust lovingly with him/her and respect the differences. A person changing himself totally for love happens only in romantic movies, not in real life and one should not expect that from a spouse. Relatives, particularly in laws also become a source of domestic conflicts. Meddling in the married daughter’s home affairs is a common source for fights among a couple. Many people out of sheer love for their daughter forget that their grown up and married daughter has a world separate from theirs where she needs support and guidance from her husband, not them. Their interference irritates the son in law and he takes it out on his wife. Some young girls want their husband to belong exclusively to them after their marriage. They resent him keeping contact with his parents and siblings and supporting them in any way .This is also a wrong attitude. Both husband and wife should try to love and support their parent al families, while taking their own decisions in the domestic affairs of their own home. This will keep them close, happy and avoid conflicts.Money matters become a major cause for disputes particularly in today’s materialistic world. Where to, on whom to spend money and how much becomes a source for squabble among many couples, particularly if the wife is also earning. Such people should realize that money though important is not everything in life. It is prudent to save but also to spend wherever necessary. Wads of paper should not become the source of bitterness and quarrel in a home. Some people under influence of alcohol or other intoxicating substances harass their spouse and children and start conflicts in the home. One thing should be understood very well. No other person can bring peace and happiness in someone’s home. It is one’s own home and life and concerned individuals have to make efforts and adjustments to make it a happy home without any conflicts. rachna212002@yahoo.co.uk