Diaspoman: a new generation of dot.com kids should help

I am appealing to the new generation of dot.com kids so that they can come to the rescue of a very thirsty Diaspoman! You see, when I disappeared to the Diaspora over twelve years ago, I left behind several family members and friends. The one I have talked about many times is none other than Aggrey himself. He used to be my roommate in Kiyovu of the poor during the mid 90s. We shared everything. As usual, our best nutrition was always packed in a bottle. Those bottles were not housing any soft drinks. No way! Instead, it was Amstel after Amstel. That used to be our breakfast, lunch and supper. So, when I decided that life was becoming elephant for me, I informed Aggrey that I had to go abroad in search for greener pastures. It was at that moment that I instantly become a Diaspoman. Aggrey didn’t subscribe to my idea and that is how he decided to toil alone during the harsh times. He was very patient as he continued to pursue studies upto the late 90s. Having successfully crushed his exams, Aggrey was among the top guys in town. He scooped lucrative jobs and he was able to save enough funds to buy himself a jeep and build a powerful mansion. As for me, I continued to live through the tough life of fellow Diaspomen abroad. I could not even raise funds for an air ticket to come back home. Finally, Aggrey was gracious enough to send me money via western union. It was a bit of a shame for me when I approached the bank to collect my western union funds from Africa! Rwanda at that! The cashier in the bank eyed me in a manner that showed surprise all over her face. How could someone send funds from Africa to the developed world? Instead, should it not be the reverse? Anyhow, the funds were enough for me to buy a one-way ticket to Kigali. It has now been over 5 years since I came back and thanks to Aggrey, I have free accommodation at his home. He has also sponsored me for studies at. On top of that, he has of recent been a major supplier of frothy drinks which include Amstels and Bell beers. But now, Aggrey has decided to apply real sanctions which have left my throat in a very thirsty state. This is because he discovered that I have been dishonest on several occasions when I forged his signatures at some very expensive bars in town. My thirst has now led me into new strategies all together. You see, when I left for the Diaspora over a decade ago, I left some young relatives who were still in Primary and Secondary schools. As I speak now, these kids have since grown up and are chewing real dot.com salaries. They are earning hard cash and besides, they do not have any other responsibilities such as wives and children to look after. That is why these young nephews and nieces spend their time at the Union Trade Centre spending like there is no tomorrow. They are seen at the drinking joints guzzling very expensive drinks. This has made me think twice. I have to partake from their sweat. Since Aggrey has slapped sanctions on my ailing throat, I have decided that I will now have to milk some cash out of these young graduates. Most of them cannot remember me because when I left over 10 years ago, these kids were just putting on dirty looking school uniforms. Even during those days when I had some little cash, I just passed by them at the roadsides and never bothered to give them some pocket money. Now things have changed. Here I am doing a mature course at SFB and in dire need for real pocket money. I have therefore worked out a plan on how to visit these young relatives of mine for cash. I have drawn up a timetable and this should hopefully result into cash that could buy me some booze to last a month or so. I am planning to visit them at their respective offices. I will be going to their office equipped with good lies. These lies will include project proposals that badly need funding. Or I’ll go to them to declare that I am a long lost relative who lives deep in the village and who has recently lost his small hut due to the heavy rains. I am looking forward to making some quick bucks from these toddlers. By the time they discover my tricky ways, Aggrey would have lifted his booze sanctions. Besides, I guess he does enjoy my company whenever he goes to the Serena to wine and dine with the rich guys of the land. So, young nephews and nieces; watch out for your good old Diaspo Uncle… diaspoman@yahoo.com