RELATIONSHIPS : The quest for perfection

The very first time you set eyes on that guy you felt the chemistry operate your insides, you actually thought you had finally found your soul mate but you were too optimistic, he turned out as the wrong guy. At the beginning you had a feeling he had all it takes for that perfect man in your dreams but you just discovered he does not have any of the characteristics you were looking for in your future husband. Peace Ngabire [not real names] had lived in anticipation of the most perfect guy, the type she reads in novels, one that has everything in place. She too was disappointed. Her Timothy Mugisha [not real names] had his teeth a little bit out of position, something she would stomach but Mugisha was a loud speaker. “The guy speaks as if put on amplifiers, even in public places and this is killing me,” Ngabire confessed to her friends. While most girls spend lots of time thinking about their dream lovers and expect to find them purely perfect, I wonder if that is possible anyway. When in a relationship it is very easy to get annoyed over very petty things that an outsider will find very silly but to you, they sound so big You can even find time to examine them; because he over spends unnecessarily, he has an annoying mum, his ex is so in your face, he just lost his job, and on top of that he is a very bad kisser,……… the list is endless. So you decide to put the problem at the centre of your relationship. You even place it under a magnifying glass to give it more light which at the end of the day only worsens the problem. When he does not perform the way you expect, you think he does not suit you at one cost but should you get a list of ‘dos and don’ts’ to evaluate your partner all the time!- I would rather bet you stand aside and asses yourself too. Are you perfect yourself? Why not instead find ways of helping him improve and not to pick at his weaknesses every now and then? How can someone break out of the cycle of never feeling good enough? Is it because we set unrealistic goals that we can not achieve no matter how much we try? Look out girl for those flaws your partner does not have, do the great things about him out weigh his flaws at the moment. Maybe he simply has a problem that needs time to solve and the only way this can be done is when you sit down and talk about it as a couple. Try to focus on the good things you get out of the relationship. Make your partner discover his weakness in a friendlier manner but not attacking him with confrontation which might instead make him make feel so bad about the whole thing. Create some comfortable room for him to easily open up and make everything sound casual. That way he will discover his weaknesses and will devise means of working them out You would better think of the fact that you can never find your life with another person perfect in your way- that is why some people opt to remain single because they cannot take on life with other people around them. laura2jos@yahoo.com