HUMOUR : Bird Hunter recommends the banning of TV

Look, I know everyone was hoping that I am recommending that they ban TVR. No, not now but I recommend that when some super hero finally decides to come to our rescue and end our misery, I recommend that they should strike on a Sunday. That is when general disgust for TVR is normally high. Let me rest my case on this subject for now. My concern today, ladies and gentlemen is TV entertainment which for long has besieged our lives and influenced us in all ways. When it comes to youth, TV has caused untold but normally unseen harm. That is why you have been seeing parents regretting ever bringing forth children onto this earth because TV has influenced children and turned them into aliens. They are aliens to their own parents because when they look at them sometimes, apart from the resemblance, there is normally nothing else to suggest that they are related in anyway. Instead, the youths behave in a way that clearly suggests that they dropped around here by parachute otherwise their real parents are in the USA. Just look at their dressing, their styles of walking and talking….I am afraid that one day a parent might take his teenage boy to the District offices for registration and during the taking of particulars, the teen will give the names of his father as ’50 Cent’ and that of his mother as Alicia Keys to the embarrassment of his father who might end up suffering a stroke. Ladies and gentlemen, this is the embarrassment that awaits us all one day, if we allow TV to continue influencing us unabated. Of course you might be wondering why I am suddenly concerned about the young generation. No, I have not suddenly discovered that I am actually father to a teenage kid as a result of many years of bird hunting. Rather, I am using the young generation to promote my bird hunting cause. If you have been following me, I have been registering concerns about the wave of murders of hunters by birds since last year. After conducting some research, I have discovered that there is actually a connection between TV and this epidemic. There is a way that TV sets a precedence of hunting which is way too unrealistic, if I should say so. These birds have been busy watching too much TV soaps; from Hollywood, India and very recently Mexico and Columbia courtesy of Star TV. My quarrel with these TV distractions is the fact that they are setting a bad example and slowly turning bird hunting into a suicidal venture. I will explain. You see, all these soap operas depict bird hunting as a long and painful process that only brightens at the end. Moreover, there is the promotion of the ‘hunk’ theory, where the producers tend to promote the belief that bird hunting is a reserve of hunters endowed with perfect bodily features. This is not only too bad for democracy in bird hunting but also misleading for birds, especially those in our part of the world where due to poor diet, poverty and disease, hunks are only produced in handfuls. And the problem is that these birds are swallowing the TV lies hook and sinker and when they are faced with reality after they leave the TV screen, the frustration that engulfs them drives them to murderous proportions. You see, after these birds watch these Hollywood movies, they lose touch with reality and want to have the same kind of romance, forgetting that what they see on TV is just acted out. They don’t know (and perhaps don’t want to know) that the hunks they see charming their birds on TV are in real life not as attractive and perhaps don’t even know how to hunt. But the birds are getting convinced that if they have to be hunted, the hunter has to possess Hollywood features and go through the tedious process of Hollywood hunting which entails stalking, singing and dating the bird for some time before doing some heroic act that will even increase your chances. Ladies and gentlemen, this kind of hunting is not African and that is why we should all rise and chant down Babylon. African hunting is spontaneous, wild and nomadic in nature. Please, join me in petitioning the ban of TV. Without this, bird hunters will be an endangered species. Ends