RELATIONSHIPS : When she pays the bill

Imagine what a wonderful world this would be if our women woke up one day and decided to do the things we do for them. Imagine beeping a Caroline or a Cindy and she immediately calls and a Peter or a Mark starts whining, ‘Cherie ko wanyaze? I can’t believe since morning you haven’t called, Cherie, wanyoherereje airtime?’ And the lady will be like, ‘Am still in meeting I will send the air time when am done. By the way get ready I want to take you out in the evening.’ And mark replies, ‘Oh! sweetheart ndagukunda mwah! Bye.’ In the evening you smart-en up, she comes to pick you probably with a bouquet of flowers, kisses you on the lips, opens the car door and helps you in, takes you to an expensive hotel, after the dinner date she pays the bills and drops you home. What a sweet dream that would be! But trust me; every man would like to wake up before they get pregnant! But trust the male specie, if they were the ones to get pregnant, breastfeed and stuff, they would macho-lise everything; over brag about it, make it sound so scary that women would fear and respect them more. Late in the bar you’d hear Tom telling Henry, “Man, am about to enter the red zone! This time I may bleed more litres of blood than last month. You know my mps are heavy! I bleed for three days and three nights. But still I manage to go to work, even at the gym!” “Yeah, I know,” Henry would reply, “God made us strong! Imagine if it were the women bleeding; I swear no one would survive! By the way, which pad do you use?” The conversation would continue. “It’s the Arnold Schwarzenegger sanitary pads, sometimes the Addidas. I used to use the Giant bull brand but they are not rough and tough enough.” Any female species listening to this male chat would turn to jelly! Mike would also brag about how he carried his daughter in his womb for nine months, “Tell you what? I was in labour pains for two days! And when the time came, I pushed and pushed but wapi! You know my daughter was such a big baby. Then I told the doctor to get a knife and cut open my womb and get out the baby. I tell you if I wasn’t a man, I wouldn’t have made it.” “You see!” He’ll lift up the shirt showing his scar, “…after tearing me apart, the doctor got a needle and threads and sewed me up!” Robert will then join them, “Yeah! Just like the other day, at David -Beckham hair saloon, you know I wanted a ‘Fifty-cent’ hair style…guess what? They told me they have to stick my head in the oven-like machine! (The hair dryer) for two hours! But from there I went to the club dancing like nothing happened.” Guys would go on and on about their brave tales. “Timothy, those are nice ear-rings where did you buy them from?” “I bought them at ‘Osama bijouterie’. Did you know I pierced my ears and my nose at age of thirteen! I just got a safety -pin and did it myself and this too!” He’ll probably be putting on a tank-top, he’ll pull it up showing them the belly button Just then George will join them, “Wassup guys! I swear there’s no stronger species than the male! Can you believe I’ve been moving up and down the whole day putting on these?” Showing them a six inch pair of high heels! “By the way am on my way home I gotta go breastfeed my young ones, you know I have two of them! Before I go…,” he’ll lean forward and whisper, “…did you know David didn’t pull?” They’ll all burst laughing. martin.bishop18@yahoo.com