Growing up in a toxic family is one of the unhealthiest things one can encounter. Since nobody chooses where to be born, you might be a victim to growing up in such a family. Depending on where you are born from, people are raised differently with specific traits however; experts say that regardless of where one is raised from, they must be protected from toxicity for better health. Toxic families are characterized by several factors but telling one in several African cultures is a bit tricky, according to Claudine Nabayo, couple and family counselor “Due to the lifestyle of Africans and slavery effects that may affect generation to generations or any other factor to consider, parents have different ways they show affection to their children and respond to the right family bond but if one feels invisible often at home, parents throwing abusive words indirectly, they should have a concern” Nabayo says. She adds that, being misunderstood or discarded often, this is when you express your thoughts about how you feel and nobody seems to care or discard your thoughts about how you feel, is one sign of a toxic family. They may also dismiss your feelings and try to minimize them as no big harm. Nabayo further says that also feelings of anxiety or depression, lack of happiness often when gathered as a family, your body is always criticized, experiencing sexual abuse, the list goes on but one should be mindful of how they feel around their families. According to Alex Kabagambe, a student pursuing clinical psychology at the University of Rwanda, several people fail to realise that families are wounded, thinking it’s a normal occasion. “People who grew up in toxic families or what’s known as dysfunctional families hardly recognise how big it is because they often attract and associate with the same kind of people and since they share a lot in common, they think it’s a normal occasion, they don’t seek for help.” He adds that such people are likely to have difficulties in relationships, associating with others, forming healthy relationships, or expressing their feelings. Kabagambe goes on to say that as one matures, he or she is also likely to fall into the trap of excessive drug use, low self-esteem, feeling lonely. Increased risk for psychiatric disorders such as anxiety, panic, depression, among others. He says that knowing how things are back at home towards your feelings is important to help you respond to such scenarios. Kabagambe suggests that people should limit their communication and socializations with toxic family members and take steps to protect their emotional well-being .Some people choose to cut off contact entirely. Taking steps to protect their emotional well-being when they do see their family. “Evade from other family issues. Your problems are enough, you don’t need to participate and try to solve other members’ problems. Don’t let them pull you into the family issues you’d prefer to keep separate. Avoid other emotional conversations, you don’t have to get involved in anything you’d rather avoid. Keep your conversations light and have limitations.” “Learn how to say no. This is something not easy to do, many take it as disrespect but it’s is very important that you follow how you feel about something that is not healthy for you. Empower yourself and set boundaries. This doesn’t mean you always refuse to participate in home chores due to your laziness,” he says. For Francois Mugabo, engaging in community services will give you more time to be away from your toxic family members, but also learn how to deal with them. These communities have people coming from different societies whom you can learn from. He concludes by saying that people should also find an expert you can talk to about identifying some of these toxic behaviors because oftentimes when an individual has toxic relationships within a family or somebody's toxic, they're unable to identify it because they 'think it's normal.’
