“New Year’s Resolutions”

Every time the year begins or is about to begin, we rush into the hassle of listing many things that we ought to do and not to do. The question is normally, “to do or not to do”. This wholesale “Xeroxing” of other people’s culture and behaviour sometimes ends up landing us in hot or near to hot soup. In reality, we get caught up in between a hard place and a rock! There is this crazy thing they call “New Year’s Resolution”, what a whole hell of hell! People waste all lots of the would be useful time dreaming by day of the good tidings to come or not. As I told you, a guy decided to take a short cut to “0830” (formerly 1930) in the guise of finding happiness, poor chap did not know what awaited him, only if he had bothered taking a villager like me out for a drink, after a couple of “ARMSTELS” and “TURBO KINGS”, I could have willingly given him a mini lecture on the merits and demerits of the “crime” he was about to commit. On the other hand, “if you cannot eat some meat, why not toss it out to the dogs?” I’m not trying to say that my new “lawyer brother” is anywhere like a dog, but just using an old adage. By the way, I first heard of this strange term “new year’s resolution” about two decades or so ago, people were religiously trying to make this or that resolution as the New Year is being ushered in. I had a friend who was such a womanizer that, if you dressed up a dog (no offence intended) in feminine attire, he would most likely try to con it. This guy originated from the slopes of Mount Elgon. Word has it that, he would sometimes go to bed a “good boy”, but later in the night, he would have a funny dream (you know what I mean), there and then, he would wake up and head for the “love market” to buy himself a “mumararungu” or a sort of “piriton” to make him sleep again. Sometimes, before heading for home, he used to take the route towards the Danish Embassy in Kacyiru, just opposite this embassy, there are some “grasshoppers” by night, he would quickly catch one or two of those “insects of the night” (please don’t try this out) and head home. On his way to the slopes of Mt. Elgon, he used to stop over for a one or two for the road before meeting his wife. This fella knew his problem very well; he tried to find a solution in the New Year’s resolution. One day, on the last day of the year, he decided to kiss his old habit good bye. He made a resolution that, in the new year being ushered in, he was going to be a sort of a “saint” in as far as “away matches” were concerned. Come the night of 31st December, he went for the “end of year’s party” as is his tradition. This party is called so because, it ushers in the new year hence the name. As the fireworks were busy exploding and lighting up the skies of the world (a modern way of celebrating the New Year) this gentleman was busy ushering it in his own style to the extent that, he was trespassing onto “privatized property” and was caught “red handed”. This brings me to the conclusion that, making any new year’s resolution is just a mere farce. The close of the year, Mr X was still the same guy, as they say, with no change. So many people resolve never to smoke again or never to touch any more alcohol etc but then, in the short run; they err and forget their resolutions only to fall back into their old habits or even worse. Watch out, making resolutions that you may not fulfil tantamount to deceiving oneself. Did you know? As for me, I have resolved never to make any new years’ resolutions, why should I pretend or worse still, why lie to myself? I was almost making a resolution never to go back to the village during festive seasons, after what the old man did to me, making me feed the whole village as if they were my children, I think, the next time I go there, I will do so incognito. By the way, I am not a habitual “beggar” but some time I do beg, what a shame, I keep feeding you all sorts of stories but none of you ever thinks of even calling me out for a few beers, what a shame! Africans are meant to be there for each other. mfashumwana@fastmail.fm