Bird Hunter mourns end of festive season

It’s true, time flies; but tell me, does everyone notice, just like me, that time no longer flies but actually plummets? Just the other day we were at the stade Amahoro with my best friend, the legendary Tonto Blackberry celebrating the end of 2008 and making resolutions (we resolved to boycott Bralirwa products and anything intoxicating but we violated this on the second day of 2009) for 2009. It was when we were heading to the stadium to perform the traditional end of year rituals (emptying bottles as we waited for fireworks) that we actually looked at each other and wondered whether the time keeper had gotten it right; had 12 months really elapsed since the time we were at the stade bidding farewell to 2008? Well, Tonto Blackberry is the kind of character who will not let anything stand in his way to having a blast-especially when its Bonnane festivities. He said he did not care whether someone decides to celebrate end of year every other three months, all he would do is have his end of year blast. I had no more to say. But seriously, soon we will be required to work day and night in order to be able to achieve what we used to achieve in one year because one year is no longer one year. Someone is cheating us on time! Anyway, the passing of time apart, I really had a good time during this festive season. As I told you, all the birds had dropped their defences and were quite enthusiastic about mixing and mingling (hence exposing themselves to the hunter’s arsenal). To think that towards the end of the year things looked bleak as birds turned savage, in one prominent incident claiming the life of renowned bird hunting general who is to be remembered for commanding a bird hunting army which upon return from a bird hunting mission, brought back foreign birds, throwing their country into a dilemma on how to deal with the foreign birds. May the General rest in piece. But the festive season washed all the stiffness that had started to create in the birds’ hearts and left them supple, friendly and huntable. If there is anything that I will remember about 2009, it is the fact that I was able to explore and discover my country. For instance, I used to think that one could only be able to have maximum fun if they went to Saga Plage in Bujumbura, Munyonyo in Kampala or Pirates in Mombasa. Little did I know that there was lots of fun waiting just two hours drive away within our own territory. But pardon me; I am a hunter and not a tourist so there is no way I would have known unless I made the discovery during a hunting mission- like I did. During the same time, I was also able to discover that hunting expeditions cannot take place only in cosmopolitan environments. Villages are even more fun because while in cities like our own Kigali you are surrounded by envious hyenas, in the villages you are surrounded by calm innocence. While hunting in a village, there is a way you are made to feel innocent despite the fact that deep down you are convinced that you are actually the only devil around. For the first time, I felt a feeling that stirred my heart just the way I read about love feelings in romantic novels. That is how I got the hell out of the village and returned to the city where fellow rotten minds reside. I was right on time to join Tonto Blackberry who was all along wondering what had happened to me because my phone was not going through due to network connection owing to the fact that I had been deep in the remotest part of a Southern Province village. Tonto had plans. He had gone through the entire itinerary for the Bonnane celebrations around the city and had zeroed in on the prayer function at the stade. I asked him the reason for his choice because of all places, a prayer function? I mean there were two high profile functions at ‘B’ Club, Top Tower Hotel and at Telecom House! “Relax”, he told me in his trademark style which tells you that he is quite confident and sure about what he is doing. If I become Mayor, I will take on Tonto Blackberry as my personal assistant. Of course that also means that we will go together if my next assignment is in the 1930 University of Discipline. We were at the entrance of Petit Stade Amahoro at exactly 11pm at the recommendation of Tonto Blackberry. He told me that it was necessary to arrive early and reconnoitre before the real hunting exercise because this one right here was a very sensitive and risky hunting ground. As we stood at the entrance, I wanted to commend my personal assistant for his wisdom but on second thought decided against it because knowing him, recommending him is tantamount to spoiling the rest of the mission because he will get careless and overconfident which was not what I wanted at a gathering of suspicious savedees. Well, as midnight edged closer, we mingled with the ‘rest’ of the faithful and started ‘singing’ and praising to usher in the New Year. It was not long when we noticed that a certain corner was accommodating a group of wannabe birds. The birds looked out of place because they were not getting the songs right and their eyes kept wondering from corner to corner. We moved there and as usual, made introductions and kicked of a serious conversation only to turn to ‘singing’ whenever we thought it would look rude to keep talking when the pastor looked our way. Trust our style because towards morning we were able to wrestle a couple of birds from the ‘church’ and we went to start the early days of the New Year in the nearest joint around the stade. My worry during this New Year is whether the birds will resort to the savage tendencies that they had started exhibiting before the festive season or will continue with their supple moods as exhibited during the same. Let us pray. Ends