I am a successful career woman and have been married for the last 3 years and stuck in a failed marriage. My husband was known to be a womanizer long before I came into the picture. When I first introduced him to my friends, they were really against our relationship and they all threatened to break our friendship if I ever continued to date this man. I didn’t heed my friends’ advice. I went ahead and continued with the relationship and got married to him. Since he was a party animal and I the total opposite, I thought that I would change him completely from his wayward ways once we settle down, but I was mistaken. Three years down the line with a baby to boot, my husband is still a party animal and he still lives like a bachelor. He comes home only when it is necessary, and that is to change his clothes and go to work. He rarely asks about the baby let alone touching her. I know that he cheats on me but there is nothing I can do about it. I have gone to back to my parents’ house many times, but he comes back and begs me to go back to him. I accepted his marriage proposal and thought I will change his ways, but he has worsened. What do I do?Maggie. Dear Maggie,Something that you should know is that from day one you can tell the kind of a person you are getting in a relationship with, and once you realize a partner is a cheat and unfaithful, then know that they will never change. I am yet to hear of a story where anyone changed anyone. The old adage goes by- you can’t teach an old dog new tricks. You married this man knowing his wayward ways from the beginning, and even when your friends warned you against him, but since love is blind, you did not see his misdeeds then or you hoped for the better. Now your decision to marry him and not listening to advice is haunting you, when it’s already too late because a child is involved. Usually in marriage we encourage partners to sit down and talk between themselves, if it does not work, they seek an intervention from a professional counsellor because most families are biased with their own child which happens to be the case most times. There are some men who get married for the wrong reasons, yet they are not ready for it. Your husband is one of them since he still behaves like a big boy, going out with his boys to have a glass of beer as they watch football. It is time you approached him and gave him your final word, then give him sometime to mend his ways. If he doesn’t behave himself, pack your bags and your daughter and leave that house before he kills you. You are very aware that he cheats on you, and yet you have always taken him in- he does not even appreciate the fact that you are faithful to him, while he lifts up every skirt that passes his way. You are living in a danger zone with that kind of a man. You are risking your daughters future to live as an AIDS orphan, but more so your own life and future. Divorce has never been the best option, but if push comes to shove- I urge you to leave that man before he takes you to your grave early. Life will still continue without that man, just make sure you work hard and give your daughter the best in life. Whatever happens between the two of you, please do not poison your daughter against her father – if you do that it will turn against you in the future. If he is willing to take care of his daughter and have a fatherly relationship with her, then let him be. In the mean time your life should continue, if you want to get married again, make sure you get a faithful husband who treats you well. Ends
