HUMOUR : “This is Dar-es-salaam, Hamna noma”

Shikamo, marahaba! These are the common greetings here. Don’t ask me what “shikamo” means because I don’t know, but I was told that, “marahaba” is an equivalent of “I’m your slave”! Not that the greatest slave market was just a few paces away from this great city. My friend the guys here speak real Swahili, not the likes of “mayi” spoken in Kigali and some other neighbouring territories. There is a common saying that, “Kiswahili was born in Tanzania, it travelled north to Kenya, where it fell sick; it rushed to Uganda (kupata matibabu) where it unfortunately met its demise and died. Having died in Uganda, it was taken and buried in DR Congo” (no malice intended). Some of us who thought that we knew a bit of Mwalimu’s language, get completely lost once the wenyeji (locals) wa Bongo land begin rapping their new mother tongue! These guys have gone too far with their Swahili language, they have sort of “Americanised it. When you meet someone, you do not have to go to the nittygrities of Jambo or Habari gani? That is reserved for Kenyans. Here, you simply say, vipi? And the other party may simply reply, “hamna noma” (no problem) au “poa” (cool)! There is plenty to learn. There is a very complex form of sheng, when compared to that of Nairobi; Nairobi’s sheng is just a starter! The first thing I noticed here is that, the people (wanainchi) are very polite and hospitable. Wherever you go, people greet you as if you had known each for the rest of your lives. Apart from the nice people, there are three things that disgust any visitor to Dar, top on the list, the traffic jams, second, the uncontrollable heat and third, the dusty environment. Dar-es-salaam being a sprawling city stretches several kilometres in every direction. There is a constant traffic jam all day and all night, irrespective of week days or weekends. On my part, I met a friend of mine who took charge of taking me around and about because he had a car, I did not have to worry of the issue of mobility. I was booked into a small but homely Hotel called, “Gates of Paradise”, this was located not so far from Mwenge’s Mlimani City Shopping Mall. I will admit, the Mlimani City Mall is like ten UTCs (Nakumatts) put together. The problem is that, the traffic was slow moving right from Mwenge up to the city centre. Apart from the soaring heat of 38 degrees centigrade and above, this place is highly humid and dusty. The dust is attributed to the fine sand from the coastline that gets blown around and about by the wind. The majority of people drive with the windows of their cars tightly closed and under the power of air-conditioning.Apart from the heat, Dar has very vibrant night life. As compared to Nairobi, Dar is much more a safer place to roam about even at night. Come Friday night, we found ourselves at a small joint just a stone’s throw away from Mlimani City. The place is called Calabash (didn’t see any calabashes though). Calabash on first sight looks lousy but as one gets in, one disproves first impressions. The place is complete with a Live Band, meat roasting joint and a fully stocked bar. Ask for any beer and you will have it. It took me several minutes to make up my mind on what to “wash my throat” with; if you are thinking of a Colgate of the sort, you are totally wrong! I wanted a good beer to wet my throat with, after all the heat and dust of Dar, I had to wash all that off my throat eh! I’m not complaining about Calabash, it is a real place to be, especially after a hot and dusty day’s struggle in this city. I settled for the Kilimanjaro Beers, man, these are real good stuff, they are actually second to none. I did not have anything to worry about, not even the “huhamo” (blow in) of this world, after all, I did not have any car to drive (don’t drink and drive)! The guys played the likes of La bamba (this reminded me of Valerie Richie), Nairobi nights (a renowned twist jig) and a horde of many African songs like Les Wanyika’s Sina Makosa etc. By the time the band closed down their live show, it was in the wee hours of the night. Surprisingly, we were caught up in a traffic jam of a sort as we left Calabash for Mbezi along the famous Bagamoyo Road. This is real Bongo land, hamna noma! Mfashumwana@fastmail.fm