FEATURE : Mwiri women silently suffering in marriage

Gender based violence (GBV)is a widespread human rights violation, and a standing issue in most rural Rwanda where traditional stereotypes, prejudice, ignorance and illiteracy levels are still high. It is a sad reality that in the sector of Mwiri in Kayonza district, in the Eastern Province, Gender based violence seems to still go on unabated. Records show that local leaders and community health workers, frequently, identify GBV as a serious issue in their communities. “We have a community of people that still see women as property. They drink and beat them. They are involved in multiple marriages. There is no single man here in Mwiri who sticks to one woman, despite the fact that they are all officially married…it is alarming and that is why they don’t respect women,” said Samuel Kwizera, the Executive Secretary of the sector. They have diffused the declaration; “until death does us apart” as stipulated in the Rwandan marriage law. Most of them say they do not have to stick to one wife, since their grandfathers, whom they respect, had more than one wife. “I think our grandfathers were not stupid to marry many wives. It maintains respect and makes a man, a man. I swore before the government laws that I will keep one wife, but inside me, I swore otherwise,” Janvier Habiyakare one of the men known for abusing their wives said. Changing such traditional beliefs which are deeply engrained in the minds of the rural illiterate and ignorant men, is the biggest challenge authorities and law enforcers are faced with. Gilbert Musoni, a lawyer working with HAGURUKA, an association that helps the vulnerable know and demand their rights, said that men exercising multiple marriages should be punished by the existing laws. “I don’t see why we don’t start practicing the law against men in this sector…they shouldn’t go Scot-free. But it should be noted that women are to be blamed too, we can’t view it in one angle. Why should, for instance, women allow men of other women in their homes? Ask any woman and you will be surprised by the answer you get-you will be told that who cares, the victim or the victor?” he said. Rural women seeking refuge Rural women in Mwiri sector and most other rural places, are expressing a sign of resignation in marriage. They in fact, feel that they should get a refuge somewhere, away from the torturous men. Aurelia Mukakibibi, 40, has been in marriage for the last 18 years, but she says all the time has been tormenting on her side. “I have had rough time with the man I married since three days of our wedding. He beats me all the time. I feed the children alone when he is busy drinking with other irresponsible men. He has unfortunately taught me to fight…I was beaten so much that I grew stronger psychologically and physically, to fight back. I had never even fought my age mates, but now I exchange blows with my husband,” she lamented.Most women like her feel a need for a break, away from torture and boring marriages. They have come to irreconcilable differences and cannot even afford to see face to face with their so called husbands. This is mainly experienced among the aged that have been in marriage for long, and feel nothing can mend their differences. Ironically, some husbands of such women want to be re-united with them. Petero Kamali, 65, a resident of Murehe- Nyawera village, complains that his wife has rejected him for reasons not known to him. He says the wife grew wings when he was away, and worked with their children to eliminate him from the family. “When I returned from prison, my wife was quite different. She never allowed me in her room, but instead kept on accusing me of silly things. We used to fight almost every day until I had to take refuge somewhere in a neighbouring village…I live like a vagabond, yet, I own enough property,” he said angrily. Joy Nyirabahire, who married Petero Kamali in 1971, said she doesn’t want to see her husband any more. “I have had enough of this man and no one can bring us together…I hear people are trying to reconcile us, but it is too late, not at this age at least,” she said. The now separated couple lives with terrible animosity, to the extent that the two have promised to butcher each other. “We are on the alert since these two fight everyday, and sometimes use machetes. That is why we have ordered the man to live in another place as we allow the authorities to sort out their differences, with a lasting solution. They either divorce or live peacefully…we as security personnel cannot allow them to shed blood,” said the Police officer in charge of Mwiri Community policing. VOC forging reconciliation among couples A local NGO known as Voice of Community (VOC) have initiated a program to sensitize couples, to mend their differences and live together peacefully. So far, over 90 families have agreed to start new families free of GBV. Innocent Gasore the coordinator of VOC said the initiative was in response to growing GBV in the district, and in Mwiri particularly. “It is terrible here, women are treated like property, which is why, we found it imperative to start up a campaign against GBV,” he said. Jean de Dieu Nsekanabo admits that he is going to change after six years of living in a terrible home, with his wife. I have been drinking recklessly, and fighting virtually everyone in my house. “This is what I have agreed with my wife and before special Committees, set-up by VOC that I will not do again. I can assure you that the two days’ experience, after the change, is rejuvenating me,” he said. Vincent Mushinzimana, 45, is also remorseful of the past abuses he inflicted on his wife. He surprisingly told VOC Committees that he had agreed with his wife, to start life afresh, with a vision to develop instead of fighting everyday. “I am tired of chaos. That is why I embraced VOC’s idea of reconciliation. My wife and I work hard but we don’t develop at all, compared to our neighbours who produce little. The reason has been simple, I drink too much, and disorganize the family in all areas,” he lamented. Complexity of GBV management Gender-based violence poses a serious obstacle to equality between women and men, and is a human rights violation. Acts of gender-based violence are generally committed by individuals often close to the victims. State institutions, however, have a key role and responsibility in responding to the victims and working towards the prevention of all forms of gender-based violence. The violence is normally held incognito and rarely surfaces for authorities to take action. It hence calls a unique responsibility, from the authorities to dig it, out of homes, and punish it. This will probably not be reached, for we don’t have unique characters, to deal with such unique scenarios. The GBV is normally family born, where ‘uncles’ abuse children; fathers abuse their children, etc. There is hence, huge demand for leaders of all levels to come in, and save the rural women from the silent torture. The Vice-Mayor in charge of Social Affairs Anita Mutesi said that for there to be lasting solution, there is need to continue sensitizing local leaders for the implementers of strategies to prevent GBV in their communities; to raise awareness of the needs of the victims of GBV. “Such initiative will bring together local government, law enforcement, health professionals, and experts to discuss important issues to better understand and address GBV in communities”. mugitoni@gmail.com