WOMAN 2 WOMAN : Pack your bags as soon as he abuses you

This week marked the beginning of the 16 days UN campaign to end violence against women globally. To be part of this global campaign this week, let’s talk about the violence that women go through. Apparently violence against women does not discriminate; it knows no “class” and has no boundaries. Even the richest women in the World like Television show guru Oprah Winfrey has publicly confessed that she has been a victim of gender based violence. The most unfortunate thing is that most women who experience violence prefer to remain silent fearing to be “ashamed” before their friends and family. Others do not take it serious when it happens in anticipation that “he will change. “ Expecting somebody to change “out of the blue” is as good as carrying out the same experiment but expecting different results. For instance, a murder case that was recently reported in the London daily newspaper “Daily Mail” about an estranged husband who murdered his wife. Apparently the man stabbed his wife to death before committing suicide after his wife left him for a younger man. This has left their two children orphaned. Five days earlier, the wife had called the police after glue was squeezed into her car doors and front door locks. She said she suspected the sabotage was related to previous attacks from her estranged husband but did not feel threatened and did not want to take any other action. Days later she was struck with a hammer and stabbed 11 times with a kitchen knife. Yet there was also information that this particular man was unfaithful to his wife 18 months earlier. This forced her to call it quits, though the husband could not take it. This is just one story of the many stories out there about husbands killing their wives because they have been rejected. While some men beat their wives under the influence of alcohol, others do it deliberately out of their own frustrations. Some husbands go as far as raping their own wives. Love can hurt. But having a relationship with a violent partner is far from ideal. It is said that having arguments and even fighting among couples is normal and essential to maintain a healthy relationship. But this only applies to moderate frequency of conflicts. The first step towards liberating yourself out of this kind of relationship is to accept that the relationship you are in is a mistake. You should be very aware of the kinds of abuses you’re letting yourself fall victim to. The most common type of abuse is physical. Slapping, hitting, kicking, spitting, biting, pushing, and the like, including killing are needless to say, serious violent acts. Forced sexual activities as well as emotional and verbal abuse are also clear signs telling you that it is about time you packed your bags. Cases of violence among couples show a lack of emotional maturity. The usual manifestations of emotional abuse include: jealousy, extreme possessiveness, cursing, and even suicidal threats. In some cases, emotional abuse is even far worse than any physical pain. Do not limit yourself to this pitiful state. Believe that you deserve something more. Do not be afraid to ask for help. The police have a special desk for such domestic affairs. You can also talk to close friends and relatives who are willing to help you out. Remember that it will not stop unless you do something about it. Being in a violent relationship is soul destroying and the trauma it causes can affect your ability to cope with daily life. It is important to get help quickly. Violence is a NEVER acceptable way to deal with problems in a relationship. It is a sign that the relationship is in trouble and without help is likely to either get worse or happen more often. bernanamata@gmail.com