THE HATER : I hate people who…

…have Facebook for breakfast. Don’t laugh yet, this is a very serious issue. Now that most offices are equipped with reliable internet connections, a good number of people rush to work not to indulge in real office work but to log onto Facebook and upload lousy status updates and chat with other idle workers before the boss can show up. To me these people have substituted breakfast with a moment on Facebook.. And oh how I pray they get fired from their jobs. Please God, answer my prayers. Amen …think it’s a cool thing to watch translated movies. I know that most films are either in English or French and some people have not had the chance to go to school. But if you are reading this then it means you are literate enough to understand the Queen’s language fairly well. For this reason, I cannot understand why you should watch a movie that is explained to you by some crazy Nyamirambo chap or worse still that Ugandan joker known as Jingo. If you cannot understand what Angelina Jolie or Denzel Washington are saying, then I suggest you wait for the Kinyarwanda talk show about ubuhinzi n’ubworozi on TVR. …cannot mind their business at all. I am really tired of nosy motorcyclists who cannot mind their business. There is this ‘mobile fool’ who kept asking me questions as I rode on his moto. He asked me whether my destination was my home or work place. Since when did this become part of his concerns? The joker even had the guts to ask me if I was umugande (Ugandan). On asking him whether I looked like one he reasoned (or so he thought) that I spoke ‘too much’ English. Someone should tell these guys that customer care does not mean interviewing the customer. Next time I will just walk home instead of enduring lousy interviews from a nosy idle fellow wearing two jackets! …go to disco just to stand and stare. Last week The Hater visited the discotheque to shake his bones a little. Many were surprised to see me pulling off rare strokes that had Michael Jackson regretting his departure. Others even thought I had given up on hating. Well I have tried but people keep giving me a reason not to. For example those guys who spent the whole time just standing and staring at us. Hey you dimwits this is a dancing hall not a cinema/theatre. If you cannot dance I suggest you watch some music videos before you think of coming to such places. Come to think of it; maybe they were journalists. What a lousy profession! …bring noisy babies to church. Of late I have decided to stay away from a certain church because of this lady who always insists on coming with her noisy baby. The brat makes more noise than some Arsenal and Manchester United supporters and keeps running around like the church is one big cemented play ground. Now mother, it is nice to know that you understood the Genesis teachings on reproducing to fill the world. However just like The Hater, God cannot be happy to see your child running around and making noise like a mental case. Next time I see this child I will be forced to say “In Jesus’ name I order this spoilt kid to SHUT UP NOW.” Halleluyah!! Let me help you hate by sending your suggestions to thehater2009@gmail.com