At 28, Barbara is keen to settle down, may be start a family, except that guys she likes don’t share her enthusiasm. Barbara’s experience is not isolated or may not be news, when you look around, there are so many people (both young ladies and gentlemen) yearning to get married but for one reason or another have not gotten partners or worse still are not even dating. So what could be the problem? According to Relationship expert, Tracey Cox, our past life experiences influence our behaviours in other relationship encounters. “If all your experiences have been wonderful, you’re liable burst with self confidence, optimism and enviously free of any emotional baggage. Relationships will be a breeze for you. You will be able to trust, love and commit without a problem; go on marry, raise children and die happy,” Tracey says. However, in the real world, it’s rare to find somebody who has had such a straight life, with a dream come true kind of life. It’s practically impossible to avoid the potholes, traffic jams and roadblocks in life and all of them leave their mark. “Every time we have a bad or good experience in a relationship, it affects our perception of the world” adds Tracey. Just as good life experiences tend to set you up for more (happiness makes others happy), bad experiences do the same. If you are depressed and insecure or angry and suspicious of people and their motives, you are hardly likely to be invited to most parties or celebrations. On the other hand you can’t control all of the things that happen to you in life. Death and love are two obvious examples. We can’t stop people from dying and we can’t make people fall in love or stop them falling out it. “What you can do, though, is analyze what happened in the past; so that you understand the influence it may be having on your life. The next step is to challenge those destructive attitudes, either by simply being aware of them or by seeking professional help” suggests Australia’s relationship expert Tracey. The bottom line is that what happened to you in the past doesn’t have to dictate your future. Whether you had a good experience all throughout your past relationships (loving and long lasting relationships) or a series of awful disappointments. You still have the power to be the person you would like to be and live the life you wish to live. According to Philip Kiryowa 45, a married counsell: No matter what sort of relationship your parents or your mentors and friends had, you will subconsciously search to find a replica of it, or (if you have consciously thought about it) the complete opposite. “Sometimes that’s healthy. If you admired your parents’ partnership, it’s sensible to look out for the same. It’s also sensible to want something completely different if you didn’t like their experience,” he adds. Though, unless you are intensely aware of what your subconscious is up to, you may not even be ware of what could be going on. Our parents’ love relationships affect future perceptions of marriage and dating among the youth. Apparently the way you feel about your father (as a woman) or about your mother (as a man), affects the way you feel about all men or women. He is the first man or woman you meet; the first you get close to, so you tend to judge all men or women by him or her. Often, it’s the type of relationship that you had with your parents that you are trying to replicate. If a man had a good relationship with their mum, it’s likely he will choose to settle down with someone who has the same personality like his mother. To many men, it’s blueprint of how they treat their wives due to the past. It is important that you look at the dynamics between your parents, for you to discover your own strengths and weakness. But at the end of the day, relationships can only be successful if you let them be despite of your past experiences whether good or bad. There is no definite formula on what makes great relationships. It’s more about finding out about each other, exploring each other’s minds, hearts and bodies, treating each other nicely and loving more each day. Ends
