DIASPOMAN : Why “Mature” accommodation was easy to get

For the past few weeks, I have been hiding from two people. The first person that I have been hiding from is Aggrey himself. I have been dodging him because of some tough explanations that I have to give him. You may recall that Aggrey had agreed to sponsor me for a degree course at SFB. He had already paid half of the tuition fees for my mature entrance at SFB. However, reports have reached his ears that Diaspoman has failed to turn up for classes. The second person that I have been trying to dodge is Diaspoman himself! Sounds confusing? Yes, indeed. I have been seriously evading questions from myself. How can a whole Diaspoman fail to catch up with books whereas kids in their late teens just crack those numbers with so much ease? You see, after many years of unemployment caused by my limping certificates, I decided that an upgrade was imperative. And that is how I decided to cross over to SFB and enrol for a mature entrance! Whereas I thought that the course would be a walkover, I was totally mistaken. I proved this fact when I first entered the classroom full of these teenagers. I then assumed that I would bash them with my eyes closed. Indeed, that is why I found my seat and first closed my eyes so as to meditate well on the program ahead of me. For a moment, I even never bothered to see what the Lecturer was talking about. But it was when I finally opened my eyes that I realized how open my ears were. The stuff that was entering my ears confirmed to me that I was not yet material for SFB. So, slowly but surely, I sneaked out of this tough class and went into exile. I could not face Aggrey because I had assured him that his tuition fees would not be paid in vain. I had assured him that I would get myself a first class degree from SFB and that I would follow into his successful footsteps by chewing a high level job. Now that things had become real elephant for me, I decided to find refuge in the outskirts of Gikondo. I hooked up with some students from SFB who happened to share a one room house in Gikondo. Their monthly rent was five thousand francs only. My new roommates agreed to accommodate me because they figured out that I would bring some hot experience that would enable us pass those SFB exams. They suggested that if I was to join their discussion group, we would get great grades that would make their parents very proud of them. Little did they know that I was a serious fake all the way from the Diaspora. They did not know that I was the first one to have fled the class because I could not understand a word that was being taught in “Econometrics”. It was algebra through and through! Anyhow, I informed these young men that I was not old for nothing. “You see, you are just young kids. Just be sure that I will guide you through these tough times. University is not simple. Give thanks to God because you have a mature man in your discussion group”. With such comforting words from me, my new roommates decided to hang up their boots and instead of reading their books, they ordered for several rounds of booze! They were confident that at the end of the day, their grades would soar; thanks to yours truly, Mature Diaspoman. And so it was party time. We drank lots of booze until the wee hours of the morning. With a serious hangover, my new roommates struggled to get to their feet on the ground in order to attend yet another lecture. I encouraged them to proceed while I stayed behind to enjoy my sleep. “Please take all notes and bring them over so that we can discuss. As for me, I am going to sleep so that when I wake up later, I would be in a stronger position to coach you”. I had hooked them! Off they limped on to class, as I continued to enjoy my sweet sleep. diaspoman@yahoo.com