Memoirs of a dying man to his unborn daughter

These series will take you through a mind and heart of a bedridden-cancer stricken man, documenting his wishes, tribulations and council to his unborn daughter. Today I woke up with a tear in my eyes, but after wiping it away I realized it wasn’t from my eye but from deep down my soul, this is a tear I will forever cry and it is that kind of tear I wouldn’t even wish for my vilest offender. Yesterday while I was resting and suffering with the pain that has become my daily experience, your mother entered with a glimmer of sudden emotion in her eyes, as she came besides my hospital bed she broke down and cried, amidst chokes she whispered to me “Sweat heart it’s a girl,” this news brought untold joy to my cancer stricken life. She handed me the medical documents which indicated that the pregnancy was in good shape and heading towards a successful delivery, since my first cancer diagnosis three years a go, that revelation is the only thing that has given me a reason to stay alive a little longer.I must be dead by the time you are reading this but just know am still with you and watching everything about you, that morning when your mother told me about you, she gave me my last wish which I still hold so close to my heart, she let me give you a name which I had kept for you my love, and it’s the one I will use in this letter because I believe that’s how you are called. Nothing hurts like the love you never get a chance to give, that morning I would forfeit anything to see you grow up because its you who had given meaning to my last days, but little could be changed as my cancer had grown to an irreversible level. You are lucky you didn’t see how your dad looked on his death bed, it’s an image that would affect you for long, that’s why I refused your mum to ever show you those photos, but since you are now of age she can show them to you, because you will learn a thing or two. I don’t blame anyone for the fate that befell me, I squandered my life Giselle’ daddy did many bad things and the twisted end is a consequence of all that he did, don’t feel sorry for me my little angel, I did anything in pursuit of having a happy life but I realized late that this was all a mirage; I ended up being the most selfish and miserable person on earth and in the end I lost. If I was a musician I would have recorded for you a song my love and told you how much I love you, but what hurts most is the fact that I dint even live any savings or investment for you to take care of your bills because I wasted all the resources God had blessed me with in worthless adventures which are even the reason I couldn’t see you grow up. Your name Giselle means a pledge’ and I gave it to you because you are the only thing I had left with your mother as a guarantee of a good happy life, by the time I was bedridden I wasn’t in good terms with my family, so she is the only person I had on earth to take care of me. She showed me unconditional love all the time I lived with her, she changed the last part of my life and I promised her a gift of a beautiful disciplined girl’ because that’s all I could offer, she gave me a hearty smile every morning of my sickness and I could see your beauty illuminating from her big misty eyes and that gave me reason to live for another hour. I want you to be a good girl, realize that no one loves you like your mother so you should love her and take good care of her; I emphasize this’ never hurt your mother, always listen to her and support that woman because she is the greatest blessing God has given you and me. You should respect people and love people irrespective of class or color, be hard working and always seek to be a better person every day, I know time will come when you will come across that guy who will take your heart, but don’t be fooled by emotions, look inside your self and find out weather he is worth it or he is the one you can love genuinely at all times like your mother loved me, Never allow being a mediocre in life. Had it not been my reckless life in the world you would be a much happier girl with other sisters and brothers around you to play and share life with, going to nice places and putting on better clothes, but be appreciative of what your mother has given you. Be kind to every one especially unfortunate people, strive to better their lives because it gives meaning to life, and on top of that fear and respect God, because he is the fountain of the love and life we need. I feel the chest chamber going down the left abdominal part is aching sharply, I will be telling you more about the life I dint live, I have to look for my pain killers for now. With love from dad. To be continued gahimore@yahoo.com