Is Marriage overrated?

Of course it is… LOVE, wedding bells, then children, a common path for many women now lies abandoned in its place, the pursuit of independence. The belief that marriage is an institution cherished by all women is no longer as widely shared as it once was. In an age of young women with no desire of “perfect marriage” prestige and with windows and divorcees who hold ‘never again’ slogans to housekeeping and child bearing ,marriage has slowly evolved to be an institution women would rather live without. “I can never see myself getting married. I see my brother’s wife washing my brother’s clothes, cooking daily while he sits around, I don’t envy that,” says Ruth Muvita 28 year old mother of one. Muvita says that she longs to raise her child without the hustles of marriage. 33 year-old Lucy Kimani shares a similar view “My mother has raised us single handedly after my dad walked out on us, she did it well, I can also do the same I don’t need a broken marriage to have children,”Anna Mutesi says that marriage is a confining institution that is prohibitive to a person’s career “Once you are married your life is no longer your own, for a woman you become your husband’s property, you are expected to forget you had a career to build,” “I want to have a man by my side just because I can not because a ring on my finger dictates so,” my single friend Maryanne Kirigo said, “companionship wont push me to a loveless marriage,” What women now understand is this; the marriage table is turning that they no longer have to get married to sustain themselves. Women realize that they are stronger, more successful, and prominent and can live out of sheer hand work. Although most women agree that the society would accept them more if they married they feel that this is not enough to push them into a loveless marriage. Recently I read ‘The Way we never were’ a book by Stephanie Coontz she says that “The orderly progression from student to single jobholder to wife to mother to married older worker that prevailed from the 1920s to the 1960s.” In its place a growth of a generation of women who choose career over marriage, or personal freedom over being a doting wife. Some women have said that marriage destroys a good relationship, they have cautioned that as soon as boyfriends turn into husbands and fathers they are become different clingy beings. Women are expected to give up too much for me to want marriage insists Muvita hence some are opting to have head to a sperm bank than marriage for motherhood. The divorce rates that continue to rise are also a cause for many to shy away from the institution. “If divorce rates are anything to go by, marriage is as mythical as the fairy tale books we read, most end in divorce so in the end you are just a single girl like your counterparts who didn’t marry,” said 26 year old Sarah Kavata. “I have established a successful career, I like my small life. I don’t look forward to confining me in any relationship,” My long-time married friend Winnie Muthaiga recently offered dating advice to me in an e-mail she said “Getting married to achieve financial stability was a mistake, I would advise you to get an education achieve your own guided financial stability,” This wasn’t a joke, her sentiments to some extent are shared by women who have turned to higher education as opposed to marriage. See Winnie realized only too late that her otherwise doting boyfriend was not willing to extend his financial hand to school fees and taking care of his children instead he rather spend more on drinking. Marriages are overrated Kevin Muri insists. “It’s important for women to know that they don’t need to marry to gain our respect, I tell my sister that whether she marries of not, she will still be complete,” Career, personal freedom, and independence seem to replace fairytale white wedding imagination, it seems our girls have grown into women who want more than what their society deem normal or right. pgathoni@gmail.com