Letter to you my ‘holidaying’ son

DEAR John, Welcome home for the holidays. This morning, I deliberately delayed going to work so that I could see you face to face since by the time I get back, you’ll have gone to bed. Unfortunately, your Mum says you returned home around 6 o’clock this morning and cannot possibly be woken up at this time-it is now 10 o’clock and I have to leave. Hence this letter. First of all your Mum warned me not to address you as John any more, since you now call yourself MJ. Rubbish. I will call you by the name your Mum and I gave you when you were born. Let me also point out that this business of coming to this house at 6 a.m and then promptly getting out of the house thirty minutes later, to appear again the following morning should stop. I am not ready to put up with this kind of behaviour. This is not a hotel where you can come and go as you please. It is our home-where ‘our’ specifically means your Mum and Myself. You are staying here with our consent, not as a favour to us. My son, better watch your comings and goings.This brings me to the only time you are here. You don’t have any interest in what is going on around. You are said to be restless and continually yawning all the time. That is when you are not filling your mouth with chewing gum for the rest of the time. The housemaid says you remind her of two animals she learnt about in school-the pig for obvious reasons, and the cow, because it is always chewing the cud when it is in its shed. Now John, make up your mind as to your eating habits: you can’t be both a carnivore and a ruminant. Now to your behaviour and language. Your Mum tells me that you have not said a single civil word since you came home. It is even worse when you are talking to your siblings and the housemaid. It seems the only words that you spew out of your mouth these days are all four-letter ones-particularly those dealing with the excretory functions of the body. It hurts me to hell. You will always rain insults and abuses on anyone who tries to remark on your loutish behaviour. So what are we to do about this problem? Simple. You are going to be polite to your mother and the rest of the household or look for somewhere else to display your yahooish conduct. You may be deceived into thinking that you are stylish, modern and all that, but your behaviour shows clearly what you are-rude and selfish. Still on your behaviour at home; what is this nonsense I hear about not making your bed, washing your clothes and even polishing your shoes? Which servant in this house do you expect to do all these cores for you? And another thing: all our neighbours are getting riled at the loud music that you and your friends play whenever you are in the house. As if that is not enough, both the radio system and the TV are both on at maximum volume. I am totally disgusted with your choice of music My last word. Endeavor to behave yourself. This world is so ungodly where only the fittest are bound to survive. Your Truly,Daddy The above letter was composed by By Betty Mukashema, a teacher at Kagarama secondary schoolshebs10@yahoo.com