Are you trapped in a marriage?

Rwandans have been known to take marriage serious. It is common for one, to have as many as five different wedding invitations for the same day. However, it might be not all glamour, in all those colourful weddings you witness. Some of those weddings are unplanned for, but arise due to circumstances. Entrapment is taking root in the Rwandan society. Fabrice Rwaka, describes his marriage three years ago as an accident. “My girlfriend trapped me by getting pregnant, leaving me with no option but to marry her,” he says adding that, “I was dating three women at the time, but the one I ended up marrying was way down the list of the likely candidates.” His wife is a secondary school teacher, while the other two were women working in reputable organisations. But now, Rwaka seems resigned to fate as he says, “however, I have no regrets because she is now my happiness.” Rwaka, a businessman, later discovered that it was his mother who had initiated the trap. “She is the one who told the girl to get pregnant to ensnare me. My mother, had developed a liking for her as compared to the other two,” he says. Rwaka is not alone. Anastase Hakizimfura, was forced to marry early this year when his girlfriend of many years got pregnant. His girlfriend, later confessed she had knowingly trapped him into marriage. “We had dated for four years and he was dragging his feet, partaking of everything without making a commitment. So when I got pregnant, he had no option but to marry me,” says the heavily pregnant lady. She says she is now happily married and looking forward to a long and romantic life. “I’m happy now because age was not on our side,” she reveals. Hakizimfura, an accountant, admits that he was not ready to enter into a marriage when he did. “Initially I had wanted to get married in 2010 just before the World Cup in South Africa, but was taken aback when the girl told me she was pregnant,” he says. Being a religious person, abortion was not an option for him. Many ladies today believe some men, just joke around with women before dumping them, and that is why they would vote for the pregnancy trap any day. Men are advised to think twice if a woman asks them to go for an HIV test. It is usually a prelude to serious matters. John Kizito, a journalist, got married five years ago. He too describes it as an accident. “I was not trapped but we were a bit careless because on one particular day we got intimate without protection,” he reveals. When the girl conceived, they were forced to move in together. “I have no regrets even if we were not planning to get married just yet,” Kizito says. Kizito adds: “I know three of my former colleagues in school, who were driven into marriages immediately after their studies.” However, not all women who trap men into marriages get their way. Aisha, a university student, learnt a hard lesson. “Yes, I wanted this man, he was everything a woman would want in a man,” she says. However, when she announced her pregnancy, the man took off. “I was heartbroken and immediately launched investigations only to learn that he was married.” She was so devastated, that she contemplated terminating the pregnancy and even suicide. She finally gathered enough courage and shared the secret with her mother. “My parents supported me through the difficult period and I’m now a proud mother of a baby girl. When I look back, I pity myself. I was foolish and paid the price,” she says. Entrapment is a game that both sexes can play though. Mike, a mechanic, has been trying to trap his girlfriend into marriage, but to no avail. “She wants us to have a wedding and I don’t want it,” he says. As a result, he has been trying to get her pregnant without much success. He is not about to give up just yet. “We have dated for six years but her parents are strict Seventh Day Adventists, so they are insisting on a wedding which I’m not ready for,” he says. People especially the young, should be cautioned against unplanned marriages. People should plan marriage in the proper way, because most unplanned marriages don’t last. Young people, should follow the right procedure in marriage. Cases of men being dragged into marriage after pregnancy are on the rise. dedantos2002@yahoo.com