AUNT'S CORNER

Dear Aunt Silvia, I am a married woman with no children, though I have been married for seven years and trying very hard to get one. My husband has lately become very abusive. He, comes home very drunk everyday, and picks an argument so that he can fight me. He beats and abuses me almost on daily basis. The only time he behaves is when my relatives come for a visit which is mostly a day or two. I want to leave him because he is not the man I married. What do I do? Warida Dear Warida,We are taught that love is kind, love is patience and never violent or abusive. When one gets married to a person they love and then out of the blue they start abusing them, then we assume that they have grown out of love – or something very serious is affecting them. It is only natural to start by asking the partner if there is anything wrong in the marriage so that corrections can be made early to save the marriage. When they are cooperative enough, a solution is found and the problem is solved, because there has never been a marriage without any hiccups. Have you tried talking to your husband? If not might you, be having any clue as to what is disturbing him, since you are indicating that he was not like this before? I stand to be corrected, but I have a guess as to what is eating your husband. It could be because after seven years in marriage, you have no children. So, he is either blaming you secretly or himself. As much as we say children are from God, we Africans have a different opinion altogether. Your husband might be undergoing a lot of pressure from his family and/or friends to get another wife who will bear him children, and he does not know how to tell it to you, so he resorted to being violent so that in the end when you are tired of the beatings, you just pack your bags and leave by yourself. Many times, women are blamed for not bearing children, but people forget that it takes two to tango. The man also has a great role to play in the making of a child. When a woman is fertile and the man infertile then no baby will be made. But you find that women are always blamed even in a case where it is not her with the problem. All is not lost, what you should suggest to your husband is that the two of you talk out the issue. Then maybe consult a doctor for some tests so that the problem can be known once and for all. Don’t forget that when the two of you were getting married, there was no contract which read that if there are no children along the way, then there would not be love. At the end of the day, life continues whether children are there or not. There are also many ways to fill the gap of children in your house if all medical trials fail. You can adopt a child. Just because you cannot have your own children, does not mean you cannot derive the happiness of parenthood through another person’s child by giving that child what their biological parents could not offer. And you never know many of these adopted children grow to be men and women of substance. So, you might be caring for the next president. As you seek medical and professional advice from your doctors, pray very hard. God will listen to your cries and answer your prayers at his own time- which is always the best. Keep up your faith like Ruth in the bible. Ends