RELATIONSHIPS : Relationship Audit

It can be complicated, time consuming, draining and heartbreaking yet, we all walk into relationships blinded by expectations of bliss and eventual nuptials. It’s true once one gets into a relationship the most obvious pre occupation is wedding planning. This is mostly borne by other people’s expectation and the assumption that every relationship will work out. When one finds him/herself thinking of a possible end the thought is quickly cursed out and banished out. Mentality is everything and probably having a positive one during a relationship might just be a ticket out of a break up, however being overly optimistic is awfully pretentious and misguiding. A good dating relationship should be far from confining; one should be able to walk in an out at will. It should be free from expectations throttle. Correct me is am wrong but I see no point of holding a person prisoner just because they committed to date you. To date basically means that the two of you have initialized an audit process one that involves balancing the pros and cons. Each of you should be able to review the relationship benefits before committing to make the attachment long-term. It’s the only period in a relationship that it’s okay to meet and fall in love with someone else; here you are free to choose who to love. Women and men make a mistake of counting on forever when in a dating relationship which is wrong and confining for them and their spouses. See I think many relationships don’t work because people walk into them expecting nothing short of forever and many will refuse to consider ending it even when the other person doesn’t love them anymore or has met someone else. In this case two totally opposite individuals stand at the altar, all with more than enough reasons why the wedding should be called off, yet the church goes into silence and there amidst unsaid dissatisfaction they promise forever. If you fail in dating don’t hope marriage will be any better. Most of these marriages end into a sham because people absolutely refuse to consider all their options while still dating. Meeting new people is considered immoral even though it’s obvious for the two of you there are other people you would rather be with. Of course this does not mean you run from one person to another. Instead learn to trust the other party with the truth when you find yourself in to someone else. This way they can decide to end or continue dating. If your date finds someone else look at it not as a personal attack but as a step of you meeting someone else who will be in love with you just as you. I am in no way offering people a way out from hard work, because I know that good relationships are founded on that. I am however saying that it’s time you looked at relationships as just that and not as a lifetime engagement. I am also not preaching immorality but if the two people practised boundaries they are both comfortable with during dating then walking away won’t spell suicide. It’s better to let go a relationship than a marriage. Allow yourself time to exploit all your possibilities without feeling guilty because, in the end, the person that you choose to spend the rest of your life with has to be the very best for you and not the one you have been longest with. It’s hard, yes, to invest so much in a relationship you both can walk away from but it’s better than investing in a marriage that died during dating. You both have an equal right to date and date as much as you want before you eventually land on someone you are willing to date for life. pyathoni@gmail.com