WOMAN 2 WOMAN : Calling it quits!

Am tired of my girl/ women friends whining about their men or so called lovers / husbands whom they claim are mistreating them. “We have been together for the last 4 years, but I am not happy. Grey has changed from the man I fell in love with. These days all we do is fight! I have tried so many times to leave him but I have failed,” one of the girls, Patience, confided in me. As matter of fact, most relationships will not always turn out the way people expect them to. Problems inevitably occur. And while some couples try to patch things up, sometimes, the only solution left is breaking up. If people fall in love, they, too, fall out of love. And falling out of love is just one of the reasons why people choose to end their relationship. It is especially harder for long relationships where a strong bond has been formed by the partners. It can be really painful to wake up one day and realize that you do not have the same feelings for your partner like you used to. But you have no control if it happens! Unfortunately, breaking up to end problems in a relationship can result to more problems. Since breaking up can lead to emotional stresses like depression and the lowering of one’s self-esteem, it is best to be considerate of the feelings of one’s partner. And while there is a song that says “there’s just no easy way to break somebody’s heart,” there should at least an ethical or considerate way to do it. If you feel like ending a relationship, take time to think about it. Once you hurt a person by deciding to break up, you can never take that back again. Be sure each of you has exhausted all means to fix the relationship. When one feels that there is no better way, then that is the only time to decide to break up. Once the decision is final, and then it should be done. It hurts to break up but it hurts more to find out that your partner has long had intentions of breaking up with you but could not bring him/herself to do it. Staying in a relationship just for being in it is a waste of time. But it definitely does not mean that one should take the easy way out. On the other hand, it is utterly unacceptable to just disappear. It gives the person additional things to worry about. Aside from the pain brought about by rejection, there is the confusion of being left out just like that. People need closure to move on. It can give unnecessary stress to a person and may inhibit the possibility of future romances. Dropping the bomb When the time to end the relationship has come, prepare yourself and plan it. Remember, there is always the possibility of inflicting so much pain to a person you used to (or still) care about. Plan when and where you should tell the person of your intention to break up. Do not just call or email the person that you want to break up. That will be horrible and can show disrespect to the person’s feelings. Be ready with your reason. If somebody is going to break up with me, I at least would like to know why. It is better to be honest. You have chosen to leave the person; you owe him at least the truth. Because once they find out that you just gave excuses, then you might lose respect for each other. Beclear with your intentions . Do not say “I just need some time off” if you really mean permanent goodbye. This will give the person false hopes. If it is absolutely over, then let him besides most men tend to believe women say “No” when they mean “Yes”, so this means you have to be very clear. If you don’t, they might try things to win you back, wasting time, effort and emotions. It is totally unnecessary to mention things you did not like about your partner, as this may only lead to a heated argument. It is horrible enough that you are calling it quits, but it is even more terrible if you start bringing up mistakes from the past and other unpleasant situations. And, do not expect your ex-partner to be friends with you immediately. Just because it is okay with you does not mean that it is okay with them. It will take some time before a person, after being broken up with, to be ready for friendship. Always remember one thing; the simplest and most significant rule is Respect; because after that, everything else will come into place. bernanamata@gmail.com