The first step in toilet training is to make sure both you and your child are ready. Okay, I realize no one is ever really totally ready for toilet training. But your child should be at 2 years old and be able to do such things as walk from room to room, raise and lower his or her own pants, sit independently, and follow a few one-step commands without raising a big fuss. Children also should have some awareness of the need to urinate. So if they are acting like they have ants in their pants but do not, that is usually a good sign they know, on some level, that they need to go. They should show the need only about five or six times a day. Your home life also should be fairly stable at this time (e.g., no home construction going on, in-laws who stay more than three days, major marital disputes, or other distractions). A good time to begin intensive toilet training is a weekend when you are free from work and other chores. Okay, I know you are never free from work and chores. Just pick a time when all the things you have to do can be set aside for a while without too much of a penalty. Good training requires multiple toileting opportunities, and the best way to achieve this goal is to have your child drink a lot. So let them drink as much of their favorite beverages as they want; you can even encourage them to drink more. And before I forget, stay home. Filling them full of fluid creates multiple urinations, and thus, multiple training opportunities – if you are home. If you are out and about, it creates either a big mess and large headache, or a lot of little messes and small headaches. Neither option is fun for Mommy and Daddy. Next, get a potty chair. Or, if you choose not to use a potty chair, get a stool your child can use while on the toilet. If you want to know why this is necessary, I suggest you try having a bowel movement while your feet are dangling above the bathroom floor. Much will be made clear to you. Comfort is a commodity that is hard to overrate when the task at hand involves having a bowel movement (regardless of the age of the bowel mover), and it is hard to be comfortable when the person engaging in that task does not have good support for his or her feet. Parents often are worried that their child will be afraid of falling in the toilet. There are no factual accounts of children (or adults) falling in. No one has ever admitted falling in. No one knows of someone who has fallen in. But the fear survives, resistant to history, facts, and outright logic. Let’s deal with it this way: It’s a parent fear, not a child fear (at least until it spreads from the parent to the child; it’s a very catchy fear). So it’s good to suppress this fear and remember that children are actually naturally curious about the toilet. They also usually enjoy flushing it over and over, which can lead to a different and more realistic fear for parents. Also, be aware that long after your child is toilet trained, daytime wetting and soiling accidents will happen from time to time – and that’s the good news. The bad news is that bedwetting accidents are common all the way up to age 7, especially in boys. This provides just the right amount of humility for your child. It’s hard to be too full of yourself when your pants are full of poop. If accidents do become a frequent problem, you should probably ask your child’s doctor about them. In general, try and remember that a child who is learning to use the toilet has to master many different skills and success does not come all at once. So give your child time and expect some accidents. After all, wouldn’t you rather be surprised than disappointed? Finally, try to remain calm and patient. ubernie@gmail.com
