The real ‘Miss Independent’

When you are in your twenties, looking hot and fabulous the question of marriage seems a matrix achievable at a whim. You are aware of a time in the long future that will come when by choice you will commit and start a family. That time however always seems far off, so you settle for independence. You aim for the highest career pedestal and you surely get there. Surrounded by money, comfort and luxury, your life seems perfect but you have hit 30 and are a godmother to several of your friend’s kids. It finally hits you, that you are entrenched in the middle of a male desert. All boyfriends seem to have peeled off as you were stepping up to your goals. Now there is no one but you. In order to avoid accepting loneliness you adopt an attitude to shut up the biologically clock that is ticking away your fertility. You convince yourself that your mother is wrong to pressure you and that you don’t care that the society expects you to fulfil your purpose of filling the earth. You are Miss Independent. However, a quick call informs you that past boyfriends whom you told to wait, didn’t and have instead moved on. They now have school going children and are asking you to mentor their baby girls to be ambitious like you. So here you are successful with no plan yet the society still codes you a failure just because you are not yet married. It matters that all you will ever be is someone else’s aunt and never a mother. The bride’s maid’s gown in your closest no longer you convinces that you will soon be a bride. It’s true that when you are 30 and in a desert, surrounded by loneliness no level of independence will fill that empty gap. Beauty may come with age in your case but the society might not reward it. Single women argue that being single is not being ‘deceased.’ But it might feel like it when no one acknowledge your existence. So the second best choice is to settle down, call up an ex-boyfriend to find out, if by any chance he is not married, then put him in line as a potential Mr. Right. With this, all single women out there need to redefine independence. The real Independent woman comes with the whole package, career and family inclusive. There is no point in only excelling career wise. There is no need to sacrifice motherhood just to make it as a top CEO. You can have both. All women want to be mothers and wives however most spend a lot of time pretending that they don’t until they are no longer in their golden years. Realise that not even a 10 digit pay cheque will keep you warm at night nor will a silent mansion be filled with a family just because you paid for it. All women deep within want a home, filled with children and husbands to grow old with. pgathonia@gmail.com

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The real ‘Miss Independent’