HUMOUR:“He who laughs last, laughs best”

Not that the reverse can be true, the likelihood of such is closer to rainfall in the Sahara. To the more mathematical minds, they would rubbish this away and say that even if the probability was one in a million, that millionth chance does not have to be written off. To some who look at real chances like one out of three or even two, we easily conclude that it is either one or the other at merely the touch of a button. There was this friend of ours known as “Umva”, he earned that name from the fact that when he is talking, he is always calling for others’ attention and sometimes, he does not wait for others to finish talking before he shuts them down by his trademark phrase “umva”; he iswell known by that name. Even his bosses know him by that. Umva being a young man in his mid forties, young man because he has defied the approaches of many a potential “chain keeper” to the extent that many members of the “fairer sex” (as they prefer to be called), have had a go at him only to be defied by him. As they say, time is an ambush. Having fallen prey to too many “dentists”, he had leanrt how to survive and keep his “teeth” sprouting up faster than they were being extracted; not a mean feat at all! He always boasted that those that “detooth” him give him luck to “grow” more teeth than they “extracted”. One thing that was for sure is the fact that he was a ladies’ man. Having got tired of Kigali and its “flowers”, he decided to move south in search of better and more “brainy flowers”. Fully loaded, he descended upon the City of Butare in big style. Not wanting to be arrested by the traffic Police for either over speeding or drunken driving or both, he decided to hire a Benz car, chauffer driven. He headed straight for none other than Hotel Credo, While there, he sent word to two of the most famous or may I call them notorious? Maybe notorious for being the top of their class, yes, they were the best students undertaking the “science” of “Dentistry” (art ofextracting teeth). The duo were Keza (maybe because she was such a beauty) and Kamata (of milk), the two were very good at everything, name it and they were good at it! Umva had prior arrangements by phone and they were waiting for him. No sooner had he arrived than they swept him off his feet, he kept ogling them with wide open mouth and eyes as if he was not believing what he was seeing. They noticed this and decided to bank on his weakness. Real gals don’t take beer; they instead consumeBaileys, Amarula, J&B, and Red Wine etc. Just a minute, the two had come with a group of escorts; all were busy sinking their “proboscises” into poor Umva. After several hours of the beer party punctuated by “inkoko”, “amafi”, name it, Umva’s phone rang, not wanting to be interrupted, he reluctantly answered it in two words, “ninde?”, umva (who is it? Listen) then, all of a sudden, he began questioning the caller as to why he had gone where he went and then he cut the caller off. “Sorry ladies, my stupid driver has knocked down a motorcycle near the museum, I have to rush and rescue him. I will be back in ten minutes,” he excused himself. He told them to continue having a good time as they wait for him. In his absence, the ladies were literary “bathing” the wines and whiskies. An hour passed by, two hours and no sign of the “host”. It dawned on the ladies that they had been beaten at their own game. He who laughs last, laughs best! They had to leave behind their expensive mobile phones and necklaces in settlement of the bills. Mfashumwana@fastmail.fm