Dear Aunt Silvia, I am a young professional lady with a stable job. I was raised alone by my late mother and grand parents. My mother died without telling me who my father was, and even when I ask my grand parents if they know anything about my dad, they say they have no idea who he is. What do I do? I am so desperate to know who my father is.Monica. Dear Monica, Some stories are better left untold, and what you are trying to do right now my open a can of worms which might not be too pleasing. Being curious about and looking for your father is understandable. You probably have so many questions as to how he looked like, why he was kept a secret from you, what life with him could have been like and a lot more. However, I am sure that if at all your father knows that you exist he should have looked for you even when you were still younger and needed him the most. First of all, it is very hard to look for a person whose identify you do not know at all, not even their names or where they come from. If I were you, I would concentrate on what you have at hand and those are your grand parents who together with your late mother brought you up to be what you now are. As a woman and a mother, I don’t see why I should not tell my child/children who their father is unless there is a very good reason, and that is why I think your case might be extreme to an extent that your mother passed away without letting you know who your father is, don’t you think she purposely made it her secret that even her own parents do not know who fathered their grandchild? It could probably be out of her hate for the way he treated her and abandoned the both of you, even when you had not yet been born. It could be due to other reasons that are better taken to the grave. But above all, your best interests are likely to have been the major reason. If I were you, I would concentrate on building my career and life, strive to help the only people whom you know as your parents, and those are the grandparents and move on in life. There are also con men out here who might come running to you pretending to be the long lost dad only to con you and take advantage of your situation considering the fact that you have also said you are stable in life. Consider yourself very lucky because your mother and grandparents gave you a decent life. Move on my dear girl- life isn’t just about what you didn’t have. Be grateful to your grandparents and give thanks to the Lord for the small mercies in your life. kayitesius@yahoo.com
