HUMOUR:Bird hunter says; Aluta continua!

I was supposed to have presented my case in court this week but there has been a major change in plans. I suddenly realized that there is more than meets the eye about these pseudo bird hunters hence the need for thorough information gathering if I am to expose and whip them off my tail once and for all. Last week I told you about how I suddenly found out that some people were knocking me out of the market using Machiavellian methods. After it dawned on them that using the conventional bird hunting methods would not make them jump over the mountain of their failures, they decided to go around it. By doing so, they have succeeded in upsetting the natural order and a lot of good things are now hanging in balance. That is why I have decided to take it upon myself to singlehandedly arrest the situation and bring things back to their natural order. My strong belief is that the world must remain as natural as possible and human beings should only excel or fail as a result of their own abilities or the lack of them. Well, if you were not with me last week on this third rate column, I was announcing the emergence in town of a new group of black marketers. These are not your usual money changers who run after cars and pester anyone who looks like they might be having some foreign currency to change. Rather, these are an unusual bunch of unscrupulous folks who roam the city preying on innocent birds, which I call selling love on the black market. They use their contoured bodies as a decoy to attract these innocent birds who have been made to believe that a good bird hunter is one who has the body of Arnold Schwarzenegger, thanks to the influence of the western media. These love black marketers also have a penchant for ‘already-made’ birds, who are their main target because they depend on them for survival since they have no other tangible source of income. For the uninitiated, an ‘already-made’ bird means those birds that have already been picked off the stalls and taken home for permanent custody. But then some of these birds, once they are in that custody, they realize that they miss the vast ‘forest’ out there where they used to be hunted with abandon. But when they try to sneak back into the ‘forest’ to relieve the ambience, they also end up being possessed by the spell of western media and when they get dizzy and collapse under the spell, they fall right in the hands of these inflated black market bird hunters. Stories are abound that some of these duplicate bird hunters have been able to make lots of money through extortion of the ‘already-made’ birds. They own a fleet of cars and a number of buildings in this city. Their financial and physical status hence puts them at a big advantage and can win over any bird of their choice because even those that are yet to be influenced by the western media are not exactly resistant to the power of money. This is where the trouble is. Those of us who wield natural bird hunting powers and would like to play fair and square are at a very big disadvantage. A contre succes of mine recently advised me to move to some village in Gikongoro because according to him, that is where things are still running naturally. He says that the city is a place for innovation and that one can’t succeed by playing by the rules. I intend to prove him wrong very soon by restoring the natural order. Wait until I compile all evidence detailing all their dubious activities including hunting immature birds and in forest reserves. In other words, what I am planning is an apocalypse that will sweep all these urchins off the street. After that, I will launch an investigation into how some of them acquired their riches with the intention of returning them to their rightful owners, the keepers of the ‘already-made’ birds. Catch you next week! Ends