When I came back to Rwanda, I was generously accommodated by a certain Mr. Gafaranga. I prefer to call him Gafa because this sounds more romantic. With this gentleman and one of my brothers whom I will mention later, I’ve learnt that it’s no easy walk to marriage.We Africans know that the family structure has no boundaries. We have lots of relatives here and there. Way back in the late nineties, there was this relative of Gafa, called Deo (short form for Deogratius which means “God is good”). In the true sense of relation he was my brother. He never had it well with his marriage. As the beauty fever gripped this young man (Deo), he decided to marry one beautiful lady of the land. Please bear with me; I am leaving out some statements that may sound more or so derogative and hence, if you feel I have skipped something here and there, read between the lines. Back in the Diaspora, we used to see many beauties. Behold!! When we arrived in this land of a thousand hills (sometimes called the land of a thousand beauties), the choice was so unlimited that, many people with weak minds simply chucked their long time wives in preference to the new phenomena. Those of us who were already “chained” simply gnashed our teeth in quiescence; why on earth did we panic? Now, when it came to the unmarried guys, the sky was the limit. They planned to marry, arranged weddings, later cancelled them because they had come across more beautiful ladies than their intended partners, and the trend went on and on. With the above in mind, can we proceed? Just before I go on, I would like to categorically deny that, I ever harboured any ill intentions towards my “chain keeper.” At no moment in time did I ever regret for being “subjected” to the power of her gigantic “chains.” I willingly accepted to be chained by her and I have no intention of running away from such a “chain.” My only mission is to keep the chain “oiled” so that the “chain bite” has less impact on me. Now, this guy Deo, had seen more ladies than he could count on his fingers. He eventually decided to settle down with a local beauty. Sincerely, I wished I was him! I believe you now know what I’m talking about. Deo’s new catch was Inez or Ines. The wedding was slated to usher them into the new millennium; Deo wanted to be fully Y2K compliant. He did not want to be ushered into the new millennium as a loose man; he wanted a “chain” on which he could be tethered. Wedding meetings were arranged and everything went on clockwise. It was just a week to go and Deo began developing cold feet. He wanted to jump out of the function; he sited the reason that he wasn’t ready and so wanted more time. What is most probable is that he could have spotted a better choice, though he could not openly say it! It took the elders a lot of effort to convince him to carry on with the project. How on earth could his poor father (Rusenyanteko) explain to the relatives of the girl, that, their son had abandoned the whole project? Not possible. Having been punched in a tight corner, Deo reluctantly decided to go ahead with the marriage.He fixed all the functions on the same day; “Gusaba” (introduction), Church and “Gutwikurura.” He put off the “Commune” to a later date. No problem, the wedding was very smart, I can’t complain, we were treated to a whole range of drinks. At the end of it all, everybody was asking Deo why he almost denied us all these goodies! Surely, there was no perfect choice than Deo and Inez getting married. It was as if they had been born or rather created for each other! After the wedding, Inez happened to get a scholarship to go and study “sijui” in South Africa. This time Deo was left alone in Kigali. Word had it that Deo landed a fat UN (United Nations) job and was posted to Nairobi, the capital of Kenya. The two began living apart hardly a year into their marriage. The real issue was, when Deo relocated to Nairobi, he did not bother to send his new SAFARICOM phone number to his wife. They only kept in touch through the MSN messenger, period. Deo’s wife tried to get the husband’s phone contact but in vain. She eventually decided to travel from Johannesburg to Nairobi just to find out what her better half was up to. On arrival, the guy took her to a hotel instead of his residence; in short, for the duration of her stay, they enjoyed the comfort of the hotel. It is at this point that she began realising how she had got married to a “slippery” man. Imagine, the fellow deliberately dodged the commune and now he was not taking her to his residence! Now word has it that Deo, connived with the Camera man to take blank photos and so, there is no actual evidence admissible in any Rwandan court, to show that the marriage ever took place; the only evidence is through such third class columns like this one. If ever, this is submitted in court as evidence, the plaintiff may claim that, it was maliciously instigated; hence, I warn Inez not to use my story as evidence that she got married to Deo. After all, it is no easy walk to marriage and you can never force love! Mfashumwana@fastmail.fm
