We’ve all dragged our ex’s name through the mud after a break up at some point. Calling them a monster, a liar, a cheater, a player, a dèche you could never go back to, even if Jesus comes back today. Maybe they rightfully deserved it or not. Ending a relationship is usually nothing pretty. It is true that more often than not, it ends in a screaming match, turbulent throwing of insults and curses, rude long-paragraph texts or, like almost all the time, one person gets blasted via social media or in social circles that the previous lovers used to have in common. But do we really have to be petty like that? Especially when you are the one to initiate a break up, don’t you want a less chaotic way out? Even when the relationship has long failed, many people fear to initiate a break up, staying in the toxic relationship, where they are not happy and often end up lying or cheating on their partner, just to avoid being labeled as the ‘bad’ person who broke it off. Research by Dr. Michael Rosenfeld, a sociologist from Stanford University, shows that women are more likely to initiate a divorce and a break-up in a non-marital relationship. Among the reasons found, women were more likely to end a relationship than men due to being more sensitive to relationship problems than men. Those include lack of emotional intimacy, sexual incompatibility, differences in life goals, and poor communication and conflict resolution skills among other things. Whereas, other studies indicate that women get more negatively affected, both emotionally and physically, by a heartbreak. Women tend to have more 'emotional anguish' post break up than men. In the rare cases when men initiate breakup, on the other hand, is when they feel betrayed by their partners, ranking trust as the main thing men consider essential in a relationship, after physical attraction. There are probably no wrong or good reasons to break up. It is only one’s (or a couple's) decision to call it quits. In case a break up is inevitable, here are some proper etiquette for exiting a relationship gracefully, with less drama. Be honest with yourself first, and then them. Are you breaking up over a singular issue or was the chemistry gone? Were things emotionally rough for a long time or did things just suddenly ‘snap’? This may be one of those rare instances where lying is okay. Yes, you can’t stand their laugh anymore, their snoring has become almost unbearable, and they are no longer the person with a great potential you fell in love with, but what’s the point of telling them now? Highlighting all their flaws, rather than their positive attributes is not only harsh to other people but also it may elicit a defensive response from them. Now, while you're cursing each other, you'll have a memorable end, but in a negative way. Phone calls aren’t a good way to communicate in this case. Texts are even worse. At least the infamous ‘Dear John’ letter, which served as the ultimate break up letter before cell phones existed, was a bit more tasteful. Most of the time, texts lack focus, substance, they are full of long-winded sentences when one tries to explain themselves, and they simply have a bad sense of rhythm, especially since the tone is determined by the reader. They are not even recommended in formal writing, so why treat a relationship any less. The sooner the better rule. Don’t wait till you have cheated, ignored the other person or tossed around their feelings before you let them know you had checked out of the relationship some time before. Own your mistakes. If your mistakes resulted in the way you are feeling about the relationship, let them know and apologize for your part. Sometimes it doesn’t even have to be about who did what, sometimes feelings just fade away. As with friendship, sometimes people outgrow romantic relationships as well. Sometimes the reality is far from the ‘happy ever after’ ideal picture we often dare to believe. Do not use the line, “It’s not you...it’s me” You know that if they were as much of an awesome partner as you say then you would stay, yet somehow, you want to go. This line is far from genuine and is confusing for the other person. Do not ask, “Can we be friends?” Instead, tell your ex that you respect their choice if they choose to take distance and you hope one day you can talk if they ever want or need to. Then maybe in the future a friendship can possibly be formed or not, which would still be okay.
