Behind closed doors: The disturbing reality of GBV and its lasting impact on families

The 16 Days of Activism against Gender-Based Violence concluded, yet the stories of countless women and children who suffer in silence continue to unfold every day. Domestic violence remains a shadow that lingers in many households, leaving scars that stretch far beyond the physical. The tragedy of one such story is the heartbreaking account of a woman who, despite her efforts to protect her children, fell victim to the cruelty of her husband. Her life was taken by the very person who should have protected her, leaving behind not only a shattered family but a deep, lingering trauma for her children—one that will haunt them for the rest of their lives. Claudine Muteteri, a mother of four, was murdered by her husband in a senseless act of violence, all because she refused to give up her house for his control. Instead, she made the brave decision to secure the future of her children by transferring ownership to them. What happened? Muteteri’s firstborn, Esperance Uwanyirigira, 29, talks about how her mother died at the age of 44 and explains that her mother met with her stepfather in 2010, and they had a daughter together. Her stepfather worked as a driver for a company called Royal and they first lived in Kamonyi but later moved to Kigali, settling in Kinyinya. They rented a place when they arrived, but Uwanyirigira suggested that her mother should sell the house in Kamonyi and buy one in Kinyinya so she could live in her own house, she believed it was not a good idea for her to rent a house in her old age. “But my mother didn’t want to sell and buy at first, she kept saying that it might bring chaos into her home but I didn’t get what she meant by chaos. I just kept pushing her to do so and she only agreed to do it when the Covid-19 pandemic hit and her business wasn’t thriving, she agreed to move and be in the house she bought,” she said. By then, her stepfather had developed a drinking problem and couldn’t keep a job, he was in and out of jail. One Sunday, they visited their mom and her stepfather who had just been out of jail was there; he came out to say hello to the children and went back to sleep. When we arrived, he was asleep. He woke up, said hi to us, and then went back to sleep. We stayed there and when we left later in the evening that was the last time I saw her. The next time we spoke was on Monday around 11 am but from there I didn’t hear from her again,” Uwanyirigira recalls. The tragedy After a few days, a neighbour inquired why her mother’s phone was unavailable. She hadn’t considered checking until rumours surfaced that her mother had relocated to Uganda to live with her stepfather and their daughter, but Uwanyirigira dismissed these claims. When Uwanyirigira spoke to her neighbours, they informed her that they hadn’t seen her mother since Tuesday. They mentioned her stepfather claimed her mother had gone to Uganda to prepare for their future there. It was then that she began to worry something was wrong. “The more days went by and her number was off, I kept wondering, how she had gone to Uganda and not told me yet she always let me know even when she was going to Nyabugogo. I was panicking because now my stepdad was spreading the news that they were going to move and even started selling some things from the house,” she narrated. In the days that followed, the stepfather kept the false narrative, he even attended the community service,Umuganda, on a Saturday just to maintain his lie. On the other hand, Uwanyirigira was now panicking and she couldn’t even sleep, she decided to ask the neighbours to check if there was someone at home but they told her it was closed with no lights on. “I woke up early and went with neighbours and local authorities, when they broke the windows in the living room, they could see where the husband had hanged himself already. So, we waited for other authorities, and they opened the room and found my mother’s body had started decomposing,” she said. The authorities acted quickly, rushing the family to bury their mother, whose body was decomposing. The still-shocked children had to bury her at night, with little time for reflection or mourning. Trauma and aftermath The children of Muteteri have since struggled to process their grief and pain. The trauma has affected their education, their sense of safety, and their relationship, and the death of their mother left them with more questions than answers. Uwanyirigira believes that although her mother experienced abuse, she never spoke out. What she wishes for most is to escape their neighbourhood, where people still stigmatise them as the children of the woman killed by her husband. When asked for advice she would give to someone who is going through abuse, she replied: “To anyone in an abusive marriage, I’d say leave before it’s too late. If things aren’t working out, just leave while you still can.” She added: “My siblings’ school performance has dropped, and my sister, who is traumatised by our mother’s death, doesn’t want to get married. The younger ones still believe mom will return one day. When I get sick, they worry that if something happens to me, they’ll have nowhere to go. I even had to send my youngest sibling to live with relatives to avoid the neighborhood gossip.” The story of Muteteri and her children is one of many that highlights the urgent need to strengthen gender-based violence prevention comprehensively through addressing gendered power dynamics in education, and awareness raising at community levels, to provide a survivors-centred holistic support approach for families and communities.

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Behind closed doors: The disturbing reality of GBV and its lasting impact on families