DIASPOMAN: Why we are going to save on soap and OMO

For the past several weeks, Electrogaz has saved us from spending on soap. That is to say that now people can afford to go to work without having to first bathe themselves or wash their clothes. When you meet a well respected manager whose collar is soiled on a Monday morning, he will tell you that Electrogaz has failed to supply us with enough water. Personally, I hadn’t faced the gravity of this water problem until I attended a wedding ceremony in town. The wedding ceremony was of high class! Apart from the ice cold drinks and the ever lively MC, I was also struck by the cultural dancers. They were not only beautiful and smart, but they also happened to be hygienic. When I mention the word hygienic, I do not necessarily refer to their muscular shapes and rosy cheeks. Far from that! Here, I mean that their bodies emitted that unpleasant smell that is capable of knocking down the bride from her high table. Now, this really had to be the effects of the Electrogaz drought. For this particular wedding ceremony, the dance cultural troupe was of high quality. Unfortunately, due to this water shortage, it appears that they had really degraded themselves to the kind of troupes which we used to hire during the mid 90s. During the mid 90s, any Tom Dick and Harry would just form a cultural troupe for the sole purpose of entertaining guests. While they thought that their jigs were entertaining people, the truth of the matter is that they were repelling guests as far away as possible. This is because their bodies produced a sweaty, hot and acidic smell that sent ladies scampering for handkerchiefs. Those ladies would reach out for their handbags to pull out tissues so that they could cover their delicate nostrils. Sometimes that smell was so bad that tears started rolling down the ladies’ cheeks. Those are the days when ushers encountered problems at wedding ceremonies. These ushers would beg and urge guests to fill the front seats so that they could get a better view of the wedding couple. However, despite the pleas from the ushers, guests always decided to sit behind so that they were not attacked by the artillery of dancers, whose armpits harboured coal-like whiffs. So you would find a wedding hall with empty seats at the front and yet the seats behind would be jam packed. Guests would be fighting to sit behind yet the front rows were empty. In such circumstances, you would see the bride and bridegroom take for the exit pretending to go for a dress change. If the couple was the type which was loaded with cash, they would change clothes three times. At least that would give them a breathing space in which plenty of oxygen would be inhaled so as to chase out the dancers’ lasting presence. Phew! Now, I hope we do not go back to those crazy days. But if Electrogaz fails to give us our daily flow of tap water, I am afraid that the unpleasant whiffs will continue to follow us everywhere we go. But like I said before, at least the lack of this water will assist us in cutting costs – especially saving on soap and OMO! diaspoman@yahoo.com